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A Little Slice of (Non Exsistant) Love


Apparently the younger children of our race seem to find me attractive.

Maybe I have a motherly-like aura or they just think I’m cool because I am an, and I quote, ‘Older Woman’.

Recently, a large slew of underage boys varying from the years of ten to around fourteen years of age have labeled me as ‘available’.

Not to them, I can’t help but think.

Why is it that I can’t seem to find a man my own age?

Am I not pretty?

Well, I am not ‘beautiful’, per se, but I think that I might have a least a little charm in the face.

Is my personality too odd for their taste?

Now I know that I am… a person that takes getting used to, to be around, but I didn’t think that I am that far off of the wall.

I have always thought that a little craziness was good for a person. It creates character.

Apparently not.

Maybe I just have some skewered sense of how things work or I just don’t see things clearly. Whatever the cause it doesn’t help me find a man.

I never once had a date for a school dance. Not even prom. Oh, I asked but I was turned down four times, albeit nicely.

I have never been on a date nor have I ever shared a kiss with someone anywhere other than the cheek. Or the nose, in the case of Joseph, but that was in first grade and I had been under the impression that I was going to marry him one day.

Obviously, I am still single.

Maybe I am meant to be single?

I don’t like that prospect, but there are people out in the world who are just not cut out for relationships.

I… do not want to be part of that group. But… only time will tell, won’t it?

Now I have something else to say.
Contrary to popular belief, I am most certainly NOT a lesbian. Katheryn and I might act like ones, and by gosh you have never seen Kiwi and I together, but it is all in jest. Purely nonsensical. Just for fun.

I, in fact, do like boys, and one in particular, a maddening crush that has developed slowly over the years only turning out to be a thorn in my silly little a**.

Pardon the French, but I thought that the word ‘a**’ was strategically placed.

Back to my crush.

He doesn’t know that I exist.

Well, scratch that and let me re-phrase.

He does know that I exist, but that really doesn’t help in the grand scheme of things. To make it worse, he’s a good friend. A really good friend and if I told him it would be completely awkward and he might never ever EVER talk to me the same way again. Which would sadden me because one of the things I love about him is the way that he talks-- like I'm not some piece of trash (which I seem to be getting from mother dearest more and more often lately).

But... upon thinking of recent things... I don't really LIKE him anymore. Just... think of him as a brilliantly close friend. It is kind of relieving that I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore.

But once more, I find myself in the group of love-lorn and lost people.

And for those who know who Mori is (god bless his furry little tail), then I’ll have you know that you can fully compare him to me at the moment.

Enough of the ranting, my fingers are getting tired.

I… am saddened by the reality that humans cannot see beyond physical beauty and base love on things a little more important. Now don’t get me wrong—looks most certainly help—but what is the point if the person is a complete jerk. Ninny. Piece of phlegm.

We humans… need to evolve.

I see a future one day where people will hopefully be much happier.

And then maybe, a loveless girl like me will be able to find love.