Ok so here's the update on my life. Drama and school. School is hell on Earth for me. I've been accepted to all my universites and I have to keep a 70 average (regardless I put my all into school still cause I am ******** HUGE nerd) so school to me is REALLY pointless. I have less then one semester to go and I am done with highschool forever so I wish it was sooner rather then later x.x
Then drama with Kirk. I love him, I love him more then anything on this Earth, more then life itself and more then my life and everything in it (ok except my family xp ) but I'm worried. I'm ******** emo lately cause currently I am pmsing and I'm depressed. That will be fixed soon (hopefully) since I am going on medication to help me. Which I told him but I am still worried. Like everything seems to be going wrong for us, I swear it's like the universe is trying to break us up...and he was like maybe we're not meant to be together if all this s**t is happening. I just said this stuff is happening because we can make it through and such...I know I will never leave him but I'm scared I am either pushing him away with my mood and swings, anger and emo-ness or he will leave me thinking it will be best for me. I get sad when I don't see him and such which will only get worse now because he is working full time night crew (11pm to 7 am) starting tonight. I don't know when I well be able to see him. I suggested that we star sending e-mails back and forth so we can talk to eachother when I am awake and he is sleeping but that will only do so much. We're moving in this summer but I wish it was sooner though I know both our families wouldn't go for it. I just feel so connected with him, we've been through so much and hopefully we'll go through so much more...I'm just scared of what this time apart is going to do to us, to him and to me. I get so ******** lonely when I'm not with him since he is the only person other then family that I see outside of school. I know I should change this but I'm not that close with people at my school (well I am close with one girl but we never do stuff out of school). The main problem I think is me living in orangeville, so I am thinking of moving in with my grandparents...but my room here is REALLY small like 3 toliet stalls >.> And besides they are old grandparents, they do things different and who says they want me to live with them 24/7 anyways.
I am just alone and pissed off at myself for not being able to control my emotions. I should be there for Kirk more then I am but I don't know how I can with how my feelings. I just want him with me all the time...I need him for everything x.x I know it's bad to need someone so much I just can't hlep it, I love him so much and he treats me SO ******** well especially when you factor in how stupid I am lol
Wow, I feel a lot better after this. I need to start updating more often to get things off my chest >.>
 Tama is in my Soul · Tue Mar 04, 2008 @ 12:09am · 2 Comments |
