Its kind of like a deranged seesaw, a mirriad of ups and downs that frankly I am sick of. I feel kind of like I am slipping away from myself and what frightens me is I care less and less every day that its happening. So again I find myself putting down my thoughts in writeing and honestly enough that itself doenst seam to do much good anymore. Do I want drama about this, no. I just want to see an end to it one way or the other I am tired and worn down of hopeing and of haveing that hope crushed bit by bit. But things wont change that much has been made cleer, at least not now so let it go on I'll see how long I last, hell lets make it a game $5 to myself if I make it though a year.
I'm stronger than this I supose, and perhaps its my own fault I am in this much pain but then agian if I were to pretend it hasent worn me down it would just be another lie. I'm tired of seeing a fake person when I look in the mirror but at the moment that mask is all thats keeping me going on so I wear it and smile behind it, I cling to those who love me beacsue they are all that is keeping me sane, though I fear I may be wearing them down as well. I dont want to be a burden to any I dont want to cause trouble for the family into which I was so loveingly brought...I just dont know anymore
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