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Semi-rant/ramble at almost 3 in the morning.

Why should I trust my parents when they don't give me even an ounce of trust?

I can't believe that not only is my dad reading every conversation James and I have, but my mom is also checking all of my logs for my phone on the verizon website. She knows when I've sent or received texts and she knows when I've dialed or received a call.

James called me at 1 am last night because, like tonight, I couldn't fall asleep. I just couldn't. Whenever I don't have to work the next morning I don't feel the need to go to bed and sleep. I'll just sleep in. I'll recover my sleep. Let me be an insomniac for a few days.

However, the first thing that comes out of my mom's mouth is, "Did you two behave?"

I exploded and snapped at my mom for the obvious lack of trust. But, of course, she told me she does trust us. Ha. That's funny. What kind of parents who supposedly trust their daughter spy on her?

They say they trust me, but I don't see any of this trust. They say they're proud of me, but they don't act like it. They say I'm irresponsible and rash and childish, but they don't understand that I have a head on my shoulders. I can think for myself. I can make my own decisions. I see the looks in their eyes when James calls me.

Why can't they just be happy for me?

What kinds of parents DO that?

I feel like they've been lying to me and spying on me behind my back for the past few months. And my EXTREME dislike of them has been growing since. This can't just be typical teenage--parent animosity between us. They keep taking things too far.

I'm just not the perfect daughter they want in their image. But what the hell is wrong with me? I've got amazing grades, an amazing weighted G.P.A., I'm in the honors society, I've got a plan for after high school, I've got great friends, I've got a job, and I have someone who makes me so happy in so many different ways I can't describe it simply in words.

Oh. Sorry. Apparently they don't approve of the boy I love.

I don't want this to turn into a stupid cliche Romeo and Juliet story. I don't want to have to run away against their will after high school to be with him.

Why are they so intent on me not ending up with my first love? My dad once told me when he realized James and I are very serious about our relationship that almost nobody ends up with their first love. Wow. Thanks, Dad. I don't care if most people don't end up with their first love. I don't care that my first love lives halfway across the ******** planet. I would be an idiot to give up on me and him just because of the distance. Who would honestly just give up on someone they love because of that? That's stupid--no, that's BEYOND stupid. I would be an idiot not to try and make this work.

Why do they keep setting up roadblocks? Why do they assume that all James and I want is sex? Why the HELL would we wait this long (and we've still got over a year until we finally meet in person) just to have ******** sex?! If I didn't love him, I wouldn't wait this long to finally reach the day when I can hold him in my arms and tell him how much I honestly do love him in his ear.