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The last few days were a blast--shopping, sleeping, cuddling, watching movies together, playing video games together (we've also discovered that we're equally matched at Super Smash Bros. Brawl--we're both gods at it).

James is home now. We dropped him off at security in the airport Friday afternoon and my mom let me stay home that day so we could spend some more time together, go out to eat, and we were less stressed for time.

Those final hours were tough, trying to hold back the tears, acting like everything would be okay. I made myself feel strong so that he wouldn't have to worry over me. I didn't want our parting to be so depressing. So, we both tried to keep it lighthearted. We both kept it together.

I nearly bawled as soon as I walked away from security, away from the one guy who has ever made me feel so happy, so comfortable, so loved. But I made myself look composed. I did not lose it until the second I was alone in the car while my mom got our card stamped. I cried really hard just before I fell asleep. Some tears still lingered in the morning. Some tears are still even falling, and will probably continue throughout the night.

The one thing I'll miss most is just being so close to him, holding him while he held me, too.

I'm about to get back into NaNo to make myself feel better. I'm still a bit of a wreck. I hope he's doing better than I am. I really only lose it when I'm by myself. I'm okay when I'm near people, but I've always become a little wacky when I'm left alone.

Things will be better as soon as I can hear him over the phone.

I can't wait until May when he visits again.