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The Aforementioned Edmund/Lex/Liam Fanfic, PART 3: Now with 50% more femslash!


If you didn't read the second and first chapters, go read them now. b***h.


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[SCENE: DUREM STREET CORNER]


Ian (dressed as Sasha): I love whoring! It's like diet sex: ZERO dignity involved!

Moira: ... Sasha? Is that you? I didn't know you were a whore...

[pause]

Moira: So, how much?


[LATER AT MOIRA'S HOUSE]


Moira: That was good. I never knew you had a p***s though. Hey, you know how Edmund and Lex fell in love and created that Super Best Friends cult after they slept together? Let's do something like that and become lovers and stuff!

Sasha!Ian: ... will you pay me?

Moira: ... yes.

Sasha!Ian: Okay, I'm in.


[SCENE: AEKEA]


Liam: Still whoring, huh?

Sasha!Ian: Yup.

Liam: So, how much?

Moira: *GASP* SASHA! YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE?! HOW COULD YOU?!

Liam: GODDAMMIT, NOT AGAIN! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?! That's it, I'm complaining to your pimp! *stomps off*

Sasha!Ian: Oh, s**t.

Moira: You've got a lot of explaining to do, super best buddy!

Edmund: Hey, that's MY term! Jerk!


[SCENE: LOGAN'S DUAL-PURPOSE FISHING STORE/BROTHEL]


Logan: Heya, bub. What can I do fer ya?

Liam: Your whores are faulty! They keep running off and starting Super Best Buddy cults and secret love affairs!

Logan: *GASP* Part of the whore code is to NEVER conduct a secret love affair!

[pause]

Logan: Super Best Buddy cults are alright. Yeh know, Captain Planet had one of those. *sniff* I miss Captain Planet...

Liam: ...

Sasha!Ian: *bursts into shop* BOSS! I DIDN'T DO NOTHING!

Logan: Tell that to my pimp cane. b***h.


[LATER, AT SASHA'S SHOP]


Sasha (the REAL Sasha, not Ian): La la la! Shopkeeping is so fun!

Moira: *bursts in* SASHA! Are you okay?!

Sasha: Hey, Moira! *giggle* I just figured out something! You know, like, gasoline?

[pause]

Sasha: I figured out you can put it in cars! I'm so smart! *gigglesnort*

Moira: Sasha! Didn't you go to Logan's and get beaten?

Sasha: *blinks* Like, what are you talking about?

Moira: You know, Logan! Your pimp! You slept with me and then slept with Liam and I did the special Super Best Friends cult hand signal and you ran off to Logan's!

Sasha: ... Uhm, Moira, are you like, snorting crack? I did that once, but I put it in my ear instead of my nose and now it feels funny when I sneeze! *giggle*

Sasha!Ian: *walks into store* Hey Sasha, do you have any aspirin here?

Moira: ... *looks from Sasha to Ian!Sasha* *looks back and forth several times*

[pause]

Moira: *head explodes*


[ELSEWHERE IN GAMBINO]


Ruby: Oh s**t, where's Peyo?! HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN KIDNAPPED!


TO BE CONTINUED.