So many things on my mind at night, when I look up at the hoshi's in teh sky =3
This is what I think about. This goes out to everyone. No one specific. Everyone that is close to me.
_____________________________________________________________________
So far away, yet right next to me.
I smile because your presence is warm.
But yet when your gone. I find myself awake, thinking of you every hour and every second beat of my heart.
I can't get you out of my mind. No matter what I do, I cradle myself in the corner
and wait till your return. I feel like a lost puppy with-out it's mother.
Please don't let me go.
When I wake the first thing on my mind is you.
As I lay in the waves of the water I think about when you'll come back.
When I'll see you again.
As I watch you from afar and adore all the things you do.
Because when your not yourself I want to cry.
When you fake it I want to hide.
In the pit of my soul I take out everything.
All my life.
And find a special place and put you there.
Because I would do anything to see you smile.
I'm sorry that I try so hard. To let you see how much I care for you.
I know that you've already been told a million times that I wuv choo
but thats how many pieces my heart would break if you ever told me "Good bye."
All the people that I let in my heart have always left me, not even bothering
to tell me "bye" because they find me a waste of damn time.
I sit and wonder everyday...Every day of my life.
If I ever messed up.
If I ever hurt you.
If I ever did something wrong, or said something I wasn't suppose to.
Because if I did, stab me with a knife, cut me wherever you want.
I give you premission.
Because that's how damn bad I feel everytime I hurt you.
You are my soul.
With-out you I am nothing.
Your the only thing that keeps me standing.
With-out you I would be dead.
With-out my family and friends and you I wouldn't exsist.
I would've quit years ago.
Your the only thing that keeps me going.
Every step I take is because of you.
Every moment I'm alive is because of you.
That's right.
You saved my life.
"That's why nobody ******** likes you Bianca."
....Everyday I wonder if it's true. Those are the words from a person I had feelings
for. He turned around and stabbed me in the heart. He knew, and he said it anyway.
And I was the one apologzing to him...
That's how much I don't want you to leave me.
No matter who you are.
Because people look at your face.
Not your heart.
And when they see me...They hate me.
Don't ever hate me.
I have a list of 20 people so far.
So every night that I don't call you is because I'd rather not, why? Because all I want to do is cry and talk about myself. And I'd rather commit suicide then dump my bullshit on you. Honest in every way.
I know what it feels like to have fake friends. To be alone.
Trust me, it hurts like hell. Every moment. Hurts. Knowing people think about you that way.
Even when you don't want to care, it's hard not to. Because when it's the guy/girl you like or love talking things about you...it hurts. More than anything
Making mistakes is what my life is. I do it all the time. And when I do it to you, I feel like I should'nt even be alive because you shouldn't have to suffer for my doings.
I would take a bullet for you. With-out hesitation. Don't even think about burdening yourself about it. "It's all my fault she died!" No, don't ever say that. Because it takes a damn good friend to say and mean it. I mean it. I do. If you died I would be lost. And cry every waking moment.
You think it's easy for me when your gone?
Even for a ******** day? It hurts so much! It does! It's a state of agony that's un-bearable. I have a passion for my friends. Stronger than my passion for being alive. That's how much I care about you.
Don't ever ******** question the fact on why I love you.Because you see all this crap? This whole effin journal? This is why I love choo, if I said because it was prolly cause I couldn't explain it all to you in one sentence.
Because in the end I'd rather have you in my soul then my own body and life.
And that's the truth form the top of my heart heart heart heart heart
 Pain-Killer 4 Dead Angels · Sat Aug 11, 2007 @ 03:27am · 4 Comments |
