[********. That's all there is to say.
Well, no not really. I've been... An idiot.
Lately, all I've been doing is pissing people off. Lately, in situations I've been jumping in head first and blowing up before realizing that I've had things completely wrong or completely backwards. All I can do after is apologize but...
That isn't enough, is it?
I don't know what it is, but it seems like, no matter what I do or say, people I care about either get hurt or get angry. No matter what I do or say, I lose. It's just one of those things that makes you think everyone would be better without you. That they'd all be happier because you aren't there to screw everything up for them or be a damper on their activities.
Do I actually think this? Unfortunately, it is a thought that does pop up on occasion. At the same time, I do all I can to be a shoulder to cry on, to be the one to help provide an answer in any way possible. Even when it means being the b***h who has to be the one to spoil the secret and tell the truth. But...
********, man. Lately, I can't do any of that correctly. I've been wrong so many times that I've lost count, along with whatever dignity and respect I had. I've been trying to change some of my habits that I know annoy people but they still end up further away! I haven't been there for my friends (if I can even call them that anymore) when I should have been, I say the wrong things, I can't empathize or even sympathize... And, through all of this, I'm feeling the sting of losing them all.
What do I have to do?! I don't know how to keep them, I don't know how to become closer to them again, it was hard enough the first time! I don't want to lose them... But... That's the very thing that's happening right now, isn't it?
There really only is one thing to say...
********]
Anei Hime Community Member 
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