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XD(This is all I feel like puttin.SO DEAL WIT IT!!!!!!!!)

	after working so hard
	after working so hard


So Steven and I broke up admittedly this would be the 3rd time that we've tried to be together so maybe that should've tipped me off. I'm kinda pissed off because though the relationship lasted only a week and a half, I worked really hard. I am a commitmentphobe and no it's not due to my age. Mainly I just don't trust the people I go out with enough but with Steven the third time around I tried REALLY hard! within the first two days I was scared and depressed. But I was really trying. And then on Saturday I saw Sam. And I made it through a whole day without being rude or twitchy with him. But when I got home things changed. I really needed Steven, but I didn't want to tell him. That's not why I'm upset. I really did need Steven though. And then I came home from Em's house on Tuesday to find a message from Steven in my Myspace inbox Hey chelsea...I wanted to tell you this on the phone but my mom grounded me from it...well I'm sorry to do this in a message but I don't think we should go out anymore...My mom won't take me to northeast anymore and she doesn't want me in relationships anymore =( I really want to be with you more than anything but I can't right now...And I actually mean it when I saw I want to be with you still. But I really can't right now...there so much st going on in my life and I won't ever be able to focus on us...I'm really sorry...this is the worst thing I've ever done to you....it hurts to tell you this...ALOT! st! It seems like everything goes good...then somehow I ****** it up in a way...... I'm more sorry than I've ever been before...=( that is exactly what he said. It hasn't really fully hit me till now I've been miraculously emotionally numb for the past 24 hours But now...I'm not sure what I want to do... I want to break down crying but then I want to be mad at him but then I'm so confused because I need someone...i need someone so bad especially after seeing sam that was so hard and I need someone to hold me to make me feel like I'm worth it but then Steven sends me that and idk it just seems that after all to Steven all I am is just a girl Even though I always thought I was more idk I just feel really...forgotten maybe? and I'm not mad that he wasn't there after i saw Sam I'm not because as I said I didn't even tell him I needed him I just need him and now I'm so confused and hurt and **** up I really just want to say that I'm going to stop dating guys. Even if they do promise not to hurt me. cheekycab1** · Thu Jun 19, 2008 @ 04:50am · 0 Comments


I finally get a boyfriend and I like him...then it turns out it was all just a joke.What the hell is with gus and doing this??!!!!! ****** GUYS!!!! Guys need to go suck dk and stay the ****** away from me!!! Why the hell do you all think that the world and other peoples emotions are your playthings??? Why do you have to **** with me?? I am sick of being unlucky and I'm sick of being depressed and then this happens and it doesn't help at **** all!!!!! cheekycab1** · Mon Apr 14, 2008 @ 04:30am · 0 Comments


Some nights I lie awake Wishing upon a star That you'll come Upon your white horse Sweep your sword And save me from this pain cheekycab1 · Tue Apr 01, 2008 @ 08:36pm · 0 Comments

	I think this might be a rant...=[
	I think this might be a rant...=[


Today in first hour we talked about how the media has given us ideas that aren't wrong or right but that works towards the media's advantage.Apparently DeBeers has monopolized the diamond industry and given us the illusion that 1)diamonds are rare 2)that if it's "real" love then the guy has to prpose with a big shiny ugly three months worth of pay rock. This made me think about things.Do some people only love the representations or does the stone not matter?I mean when I think about this in my head I think about how there are people out there who just go for face value and live not for love but they live to gain wealth.And they know that they aren't really happy because even though they live the "dream" life they missed out on something real. yes I seem to only be the cynical greedy side of the world cheekycab1 · Tue Mar 25, 2008 @ 01:58am · 1 Comments


lately I've been thinking about some stuff.i've been thinking that I've fallen n love again.now a normal person would be so happy at this right?Well right now I'm crying.I really didn't want this.I thought that I had locked my heart away after Sam but if anything I just developed a stronger wanting for love...i HATE THIS!!!!! Some might say that I'm being a drama queen but they don't know how I struggled so much last time I fell in love.After Sam ****** me up I started cutting again and I cryed myself to sleep WAY to much.Not to mention my love affair with controlled substances.i thought I fixed myself up,but now I can feel the same hurt bubbling back to the surface.Sure you might say or ask that since this is a diffrent guy that it would be diffrent,right? HA I wish that were true but it's not sadly I seem to fail at this more then the average **** I am worse at this whole love/relationship thing then a guy... cheekycab1** · Tue Mar 11, 2008 @ 04:06am · 0 Comments


SO I've been walking around for a day with two hours of sleep.those of you who know me realize that without at least 7 hours of sleep I am more of a headcase then usual.However for once I was thinking about things.One:I am morbidly afraid of change...okay well not MORBIDLY but man there is something there that just stops me everytime.TWO:I don't want to fall in love.What the hell IS love?I feel that for some of us,there is this random emotion that you can't name so you call it love.Only half the time you are actually right.I hope that I really never say it.THREE:I don't belong anywhere.I've walked around for a day and I realized that yeah sure people like me but I still don't quite fit in...or something!I dunno theres this weird feeling that could be from the lack of sleep or because it's true...sigh Thanks for reading this rant heart cheekycab1 · Thu Mar 06, 2008 @ 02:58am · 0 Comments


So I've made it through to the third tri at Roseville Area High School.If anything it's been interesting.I've met some really awesome people and this includes this guy that I like=] He is awesome=].We like the same tunes and he's super sexy and muscley<3but then theres all my girlfriends=] YAY but it's been hard.when I see the approaching spring and summer I think back to who I was almost a year ago.Drugged up with a broken heart.Melodramatic sure but it's the truth.A year later I'm stronger and sober.I've gotten comfortable with who I am and now I think that Roseville is a good place. cheekycab1 · Tue Mar 04, 2008 @ 03:34am · 1 Comments

	so my life is awesome...cept for this a*e!!!!
	so my life is awesome...cept for this a*e!!!!


Ok,so everything in high skool is goin good.I have enough friends to keep me satisfied for this year but I can't get rid of these feelings that I have for Sam.It really bugs me.I'm the type of person who can't really hamdleliking more than one guy at a time because then I feel unfaithful.So I like this other guy at my school and he seems pretty into me,but I keep giving out mixed signals because I can't handle having feelings for this other guy AND the guy from my school. So if you have any suggestions,you should be sexy and pm me er somethin and give me advice. cheekycab1 · Thu Sep 20, 2007 @ 04:54pm · 0 Comments

	jeez
	jeez


yeah so i'm still in high skool=]]] it's pretty amusing i guess...the dudes are WAY hotter here then they were in middle school...(Duh) yeah i finally met my dads girlfriend...she's pretty awesome=]]]] we went horse back riding=]] cheekycab1 · Fri Sep 14, 2007 @ 02:06pm · 0 Comments


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