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You know, time really is a strange concept. Well, it's not really strange, seeing as we all deal with it every waking second (No pun intended) of our lives, but it is still something I have not yet come to understand. When you're anticipating something, it seems to pass too slowly and every moment becomes like kissing agony. Then when you're enjoying yourself, it seems to pass far too quickly. No matter how fast it goes by, it will always continue to move forward. It's the most consistent inconstant thing I believe I've ever come across.

At times of reflection I often find myself wondering what would happen if I could go back in time and change things I've done in the past. You know, we all have those mistakes we tie ourselves up in that are constantly prodding at our subconsciousness. And then every once in awhile something would happen to trigger that memory of a certain mistake, and it moves on from bugging your subconscious to pestering your consciousness, and then you can't stop thinking about it. Vicious cycle, that is. But then after I start to think about what would happen if I hadn't been at a certain place at a certain time, or what would happen if I hadn't been too lazy to just do something right the first time around instead of leaving it half-assed and making things worse in the long run. Then shortly after that, the big question hits me. If I didn't make those mistakes, however big or small, would it really make that large of a difference in who I am today? After that, more often than not, I decide that things are best the way they are and everything happens for a reason. I mean, they must, otherwise they wouldn't happen. That would just be pointless. And no one likes a pointless mishap...

But anyways, enough of my senseless rambles and on with the reason why I began thinking about this whole subject in the first place. Recently, I've been looking over old things. For example, my old sketchbooks, old journals, old pictures, and other things of the sort...so on and so fourth. You know, old things that we loved so much back when they were more recent, but slowly lost their value as time moved forward. Mind you, they still had sentimental value and remind us of who we were as a person, but who we are now isn't quite who we were then. And let me tell you, I was not someone to be proud of way back when. Not someone worth mentioning. I was just kinda...there. Sure I had my interests and all that other fun stuff, but I hadn't really found or done the things that clicked and slid into place just right. You know, all the little things that make me who I am right now, as I'm sitting here and typing this to whoever feels like reading it. I am quite proud of the progress I've made, in the sense of developing as a person. Sure, some of my qualities have developed for the worst, but to counter those I have a few good ones that make up for the bad ones. We all have them, but sometimes it's not so easy to see something when we're trying to judge ourselves. Looking back at my old stuff, I feel like I've made a huge accomplishment...but I know this is only the beginning of a long journey. I hope to continue improving as an artist, a musician, a writer, and more importantly, a person as a whole.

...And I slithered off topic again. DAMN YOU, SHORT ATTENTION SPAN! Anywho, I was looking through some old sketchbooks, and how I used to draw damn near made me gag. Actually, truth be told, most of the art I've uploaded on DA makes me gag. I was terrible. I'm so happy I've improved. (Speaking of which, I'll have to fix that and upload more recent drawings and such when my scanner decides to be nice again.) Wow. I ranted for so long, only to get to this little paragraph said. That's a bit sad, I need to work on staying on topic.

Going back to the whole time spiel, time still baffles me. I mean, how slowly it seems to drag along when you're living in the moment, and then how quickly it seems to have slipped through your fingertips after it's all said and done. I mean, really. It seems like only a few months ago I was living through freshmen year of high school. You know, starting at the very bottom of the chain. Not knowing what's going on and a bit frightened. Short and squeaky. And now, I'm about to start my Junior year. I have a bit of a better sense of what's going on and how to deal with things...but I'm still short and squeaky. >.>;; Perhaps the short and squeaky area is one of the few where time hasn't exactly been on my side. Ah, well. You win some and yeh lose some, I suppose.

In that short period of time, I've learned exactly what love is, fallen in love, lost and then then regained love, and still am in love. Love is also a terrifying concept. I've also learned how easily and quickly love can be warped into a sick, twisted obsession that takes over you like a deranged passion. Another frightening thought is being so hopelessly in love with someone who you may never actually get the chance to be with before time snatches them away from you, and you've also let them, much like time its self, slip through your fingertips. But let's leave that topic for another night's rant, shall we?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, cherish every moment you've got, no matter how small it seems it is important in the long run. And don't waste the time you've got now looking back and regretting things you've done or could have prevented. Changing things that have already come to pass is impossible and never gets anything done.

Laters and all that other Jazzy stuffs,
K.A. Suku

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