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So. Nervous about everything with Brandon. I hope that Brad actually believes me about him. I bet he thinks i just made him up and stole his boyfriend's name because I'm not creative enough to think up my own. He's real, damnit! He's real and I'm falling in love with him. Meh. I'm going to end up sleeping with him before the week is out. I don't want to, I want to take it slow this time. But he's so...irresistable. I want him so badly, it's, like, all I can think about. He's just so perfect. He's too good to be true. He probably is. I bet he just wants to get into my pants, and he's just pretending about everything. Like that Bert kid with Christina. I hate him, hate him, HATE HIM. He's ******** with one too many of my friends for me to just leave him alone. I should hurt him. Hurt him badly. And what is he doing to those freshmen anyway? He deserves to be put in the same little room as Rich. Or seperate little rooms, seeing as Rich is gay and could probably out-manipulate Bert. Ok, different rooms then. I should get on building those.
My mom has been being horrible lately. Might have something to do with my 4 am entrance last night. I actually have a curfew now. Feels kind of cool, actually, it means that I actually have a life now. But she's been making me go to bed at 8:00?! It makes no sense. I'm ******** 18, not 12. She's all like "You think you're an adult, but you're not. You're still just a kid." Maybe I missed the memo, but isn't 18 the age of legal adulthood? They're really going to kick me out if they find out about Brandon and I refuse to stop seeing him. So I can't tell them yet, because I'd have nowhere to go. I can't live with him, that's absolutely out of the question. I don't have enough money for my own place. I want to tell them, because I'm falling in love with him, but I can't. I won't stop seeing him, but I can't go out on my own yet. I'm not ready. Will I even be ready next year? God. I need some more direction. I need to get it together. I can't keep living day to day like I have been my whole life. That just isn't going to work. I'm scared, though. I'm scared of the future. I want to stay 18 forever. Hah. Brand New song.
Meh. I have to sleep on all this.
On a lighter note, bought the new David Levithan book <333 It's absolute beautiful so far.
Aubrey Ravena · Sun Oct 17, 2004 @ 01:55am · 0 Comments |
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Well now...new journal...I'm interested to see if this lives up to greatestjournal standards...if so then it may present an opportunity for a welcome move. Or, just a seperate, more private journal. Just for me and none of the friends who know me. Muahaha. Now I can say all the evil things about them.
Aubrey Ravena · Mon Oct 04, 2004 @ 02:37am · 0 Comments |
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