Ah; that girl made me crazy. She was all I ever wanted, but it was damned from the start because I stole her. I sneaked her. I cheated to get to the finish line. There was no going back. I didn't think it would last. I mean; every other girl had always proven to be not what they made themselves to be. I never lied about my intentions. They all knew what I wanted, and they willingly gave it.
But she...With her, I was myself. With her I was engaged, interested. With her I was in love. But alas, she was my brother's betrothed. And it pained me, it did. I love my brother more than I love myself, but for the first time I had a serious decision to take. Whether she loved me back, I cannot say. She used me. My love for my brother. She toyed with me, with my feelings. I pondered if I had done the same to other girls, and whether this was their collective revenge.
But this girl, she made me crazy. With a flutter of her eyes from across the room, she could make my stomach do flips. She was gorgeous, she was intelligent, she was unique. My brother had chosen her for obvious reasons; though whether he loved her, I cannot say. I think he did not. Nor do I believe that she loved him, either.
But did I love her? HAH. did I love her? it wasn't until I had dealt my own death blow when I had to admit that yes. I could not stop thinking about her. That yes, I was afraid that she had too much say over my emotions, that yes, it was too late to stop loving her. The only solace I took was that she didn't love me. That the whole time she was a heartless harpy. An injured beast out for an outlet for her pain. And me and my brother were her unwitting victims.
She was heartless and cold; though for some reason even I cannot believe it. To this day, my heart wants to tell me that I'm wrong, but my brain tells me that I'm right. Did I cry? it seems after her I cried all the time. Everything cut me like a knife. But I didn't know why.
I didn't know.
until the end...when I found out.
That I was wrong.
that I lied to myself.
That she loved me.
When she had told me, I did not believe her. Her confession had been like poison that kills slowly. I did not believe her, even as she wept.
By my own hand...
by my own hand she died.
I justified it. Revenge for my brother. Revenge for me. Even when she glanced at me, hurt. Her spirit crushed, her fears realized. I betrayed her twice.
When she died.
I died.
and I didn't realize my own absence until the moment...the moment I realized.
that she loved me, too.
Ansgaar Community Member 
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