You were my first love. Before you, I believed I would end up with the first person I fell in love with.This was not true. You kissed me in a dark room, a stranger told us we looked as if we meant to be together. This was not true. I called you blue eyes and thought it was cool that you were reckless. You were the first person I told that I loved them even though I knew from the moment we met you would break my heart. You told me you loved me back in between gasps. I was in your city and hoped I would be able to see you. You stood me up and I made out with my best friend’s future boyfriend. I cried all the way home. Years later and you told me you were visiting my city. My then boyfriend was mad. You said you came to see me, that was not true. I never heard from you again.
I heard you were a playboy. You struggled to express what you meant. You had a huge d**k and I thought you would split me in two. You saw that others held an esteem for me and you used me to feel good about yourself. You gave me a bullshit speech about why we couldn’t be together when I only asked for closeness. You told me your secret. You made out with another girl a week later. When I moved on it made you crazy. You told me you regretted letting me go and kissed me Infront of my future boyfriend. I broke his heart as you broke mine. You left and I never heard from you till I bumped into you propped full of cocaine and pills. I told my brother how you held my heart, and how I thought it would split in two.
I mistreated you and broke your heart. We were never soulmates but we were able to laugh at the same things and had a mutual liking of liquor and similar dreams. My friends thought you were too good for me, while my best friends worried you felt the same way. When you told me, you liked me the first time I f*cked someone else that night. I heard what you said but I did not understand it. I was too preoccupied by myself that I did not consider you. What you did not understand is that I needed to be selfish as I was on the brink of ruining myself. I told you I wanted to kill myself, you did not understand. You painted me as a princess but you locked me in the tower of the castle. You liked me dressing up in pretty dresses and playing damsel in distress but despised me when I was not cheery or when I was depressed. I appreciate showing me what a healthy relationship was like and what sacrifice and compromise is like. I felt loved but I never felt loved for who I was but what you perceived me as. Years later you still text me saying you miss me, today I told you to never contact me again.
Dysphoriic Community Member 
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