Hi everyone. Im still alive.I figured I should go back to writing and expressing my feelings through these journals. I don't have friends. My old friends don't bother to talk to me and the new ones are not much interested either. I don't know if I should feel happy now. I am still in a relationship with the woman that told me to kill myself a couple of years ago, and remembering those painful memories, I sometimes think to myself that maybe I deserve better. But I don't know! I couldn't ask for a better partner at the moment. She was a terrible person at the past, but now she could also be everything I could dream of. I don't even want to look back at these memories anymore. But I see this person everyday, wake up to her next to me and me next to her.
Everything is messy. I want freedom but I also want to stay. All my friends are gone, I've pulled myself downhill for a stupid relationship and now Im just starting to see the beginning of a lonely relationship.
Dream bearer Community Member 
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