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My Twilight Movie Review...

Beware of spoilers.

Two words...

EPIC. FAIL.

This movie... Was... Wow. It was WAY worse then I thought it was going to be. I will gladly tell you the reasons why I thought it bombed horribly.

1.) The dialog sucked. They talked sooo sloooow. And while it was, Eddikins and Bella just stuttered a whole lot. It was boring me to tears. Not to mention, when Eddikins was showing off his LULZ worthy sparkles, he tells this to Bella when she's all like: "Ur beutiful"

"THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER, BELLA."

I cannot take that seriously. At all. When we saw that scene, we just about died laughing, along with my buddies and a few other people in the theatre. Oh, and there was more staring then talking in the whole two hours. It was dumb.

2.) Bad acting. It was horrible. When it was supposed to be where Edward wanted to eat Bella in the beginning, it looked like he was about to throw up. Bella always had this /8< look all the time. While Edward just I: during the entire movie. Jasper, was by far, the most hilarious. His expression made him look like he was constipated all the time. James... -shakes head- He always tilted his head. Vinn and I thought it was extremely awkward. Jacob is exactly what I thought he was going to be. A borderline rapist. He doesn't do too much in this movie but we all know it's coming.

3.) The characters sucked. As if they weren't bad enough in the books. Edward's still a shallow, creepy (in a very bad way), Manic-Depressive, stalking freak that hates himself. While Bella is OH-SO perfect and acts like everyone hates her guts because they're giving her attention. And God Forbid that she goes out with a nerd because all guys have to be cold, undead, sparkly pixies in order for good ol' Bella to like them. Poor Mike... Speaking of which, all of those guys acted like idoits in the movie. Everytime they were seen, they were always doing something stupid.

4.) Crappy Cinimatography. Whoever was working the camera should be shot. The whole movie was made up of horrible sideways, far away, circly shots of just Bella and her sparkly abusive boyfriend. It looked like someone just decided to whip out a video recorder and make this movie with a few of their rabid buddies. It was never professional. EVER.

5.) No plot. Nuff said.

6.) Ok, there was no plot until the last, what, 20 minutes of the movie? And even then, it was very, very anti-climatic. I was never excited and I was always "Ok, whatever... Can this movie be over with, please?"

7.) It was just plain cheesy. So cheesy that it was like cheese on a cheese cracker with spray cheese put on top. It was sickening.

8.) The CGI and graphics was so LULZ worthy, we cried from laughing. When the Meyerpires ran really fast, flew, or climbed trees... Oh man, you should have seen it. It looked like something that would come out of a movie from the 1940s. Hilarious.

9.) POOR CHARILE. He was the ONLY likeable character and Bella acts like such a huge jerk to him. She always calls his Charlie, never "Dad". Oh, but the crazy, girlly Mom gets to be called "Mom" by Bella. When you're talking about your Mother or Father, you never call them by their real names (unless it's for certain reasons). It's a sign of respect. But let's face it, her Father is so loving and caring that he just gets to be called Charile. What kind of kid are you Bella?! Not a good one.

And during the scene where she's going to Jacksonville, where she was acting horrible to him... Did she honestly have to say things that her own Mother said when she left him? I DON'T THINK SO. If you're going to go away from your Father, can you at least be nice to him and not hurt him so horribly. I have two words for you Bella... SCREW. YOU. Seriously, she needs to drop dead already.

10.) SMEYER MADE A CAMEO. How annoying... As if she couldn't get any more unoriginal and lame. Stephen King cameos in a couple of his movies (along with a few other authors) and now Smeyer seems to be taking his idea. Congrats for being unoriginal and full of yourself. -rolls eyes-

11.) The soundtrack is awful. And what makes it worse is that Linkin Park's songs played during the movie. I don't like their songs, and whoever was doing the instrumental stuff didn't do well.

12.) Constent symbolism. Did anyone else notice how many apples appeared in that movie? Bella ate apples at lunch (most, if not all, the time) and she had an Apple laptop! Hahaha-- Not funny. Or cool. Just lame. And did anyone see how the apple that Bella dropped impossibly moves from Edward's foot, to his hands (which just happen to be positioned just like the book cover; OH HOW CLEVER [/sarcasm])? He didn't have to do anything but catch it when it bounced off his foot. Seriously, WTH.

I could go on, but I have to go to some art thing soon. I shall quickly tell you my experience in the Theatre.

Waiting in line was somewhat fun, seeing as though my sister and I were the first ones in line. BUT it's bloody COLD up here and we stood there for two and a half hours. The tips of my toes were so numb, that when we got into the theatre and had to make a run for it, I thought they were going to break off. And when they started warming up, they stung for about fifteen minutes and I couldn't stand on them. Not worth my pain and suffering. Not to mention we were stuck listening to hormonal teenagers running over and squishing everyone in their paths. they were also squeeling loudy... Ahhh! My poor ears! D; Oh, and while we were waiting in line, I was talking to a bunch of Twi-Fans and they said that JK Rowling doesn't know how to write a good book. Now, I'm no Harry Potter fan, but this took me off guard. She seriously thinks Twilight is better then Harry Potter? Something is going terribly, terribly wrong.

We laughed thoughout the whole movie and quickly became bored when Edward and Bella talked. But that's not all. We had candy thrown at us, our seats kicked, mean glares, people were ripping apart their Gummy Bears, pretending they were us, and making violent gestures towards us. All because we were voicing our opinions, and laughing when others there laughed. Hey, when girls started to cry (No, seriously, there were people crying!), or when they did mean things to us, we didn't do anything horrible to them! Though the movie, we pretty much kept to ourselves and we still got treated like trash. -heavy sigh- Honestly... But, despite the mean things they were doing, it makes us all laugh because they were pathetic enough to be that way. Heh... xD

All in all, it sucked and was unintentionally funny.

This movie gets 0 out of 10 stars.