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Nothing can be simple huh? Everything just has to be hard. Trial and error, it always works! For some reason I have a hard time believing that. Maybe I have no right asking for things to be simpler. I haven't had enough "Rough times" yet. When is giving up okay? I've always wondered that. You give up and then your a loser. You say you're done and now you're a brainiac. You give your opinion, suddenly your a smartass. Nothing ever works. You can't ask "What do you want me to do?!" 'Cause then they tell you, and it's not what you wanted to hear. I'm tired of where I live. Tired of the morons that I see everyday at the Hell-hole I go to. And tired of people trying to shape me into what they want to see. Everyone here is blind to reality. You tell a kids parents that their child is crack head and they say, "No. Suzy would never do that!!" But it's so obvious. To those that don't want to know the truth, it's carefully hidden. To those that look for what's obviously there, you see it easily. stare
Do I seem mental to you? Is it because I'm using words like "obvious" and "moron?" No...it couldn't be...those aren't big words. Or at least they shouldn't be. Since when did the words "idiotic" and "controversy" become big words? It's not like they're hard to say for the average 8th grader. Not that I'm saying everyone has the same brain capacity, because that's obviously not true. I say mental and suddenly I'm a nerd. I tell someone I spend my spare time writing, or drawing, or possibly reading. Now I'm a geek. I say I like to run, now I should try out for basketball, and football, and baseball, and gymnastics. I say I don't smoke and it's surprising? I don't know what it feels like to get high. Now I'm a loser. stare
Could it be possible that maybe society has shaped people this way? Now you have to be a stick with your ribs poking out to be considered sexy. And suddenly it's cute to be a hoe? You wear a skirt that you found in the baby section of Sears and a face towel for a shirt, NOW YOUR HOT!!!! rolleyes Forgive me if I don't agree with the new laws of fashion, but I don't feel like wearing my bra and a dish rag to school. I can't be smart without being a nerd, I can't say something without being considered a freak. If I wear all black I'm a goth, if I say someone iritates me I'm judging them. Maybe if someone would just open their eyes and shut they're mouths they'll understand. Then they can be like "OH I get it now!! You just don't have fun being a complete and total mental case by wasting away your life on drugs sex and alcohol. You're not a geek...you're just smart!!!!!!" People don't want to understand, so they ignore the truth. They want you the way they want you. Not the way you are...that's not acceptable. You have to be like them.
My thoughts disturb some people. But that's only because they don't understand what I'm talking about. The only person that understands me is my best friend. And you know what...I'm happy that's the way it is. I couldn't trust anyone else with my mind... ninja

woO!! 4laugh biggrin xd 3nodding xp blaugh It's my birthday!! lol smile stare wink razz I'm so happy. I really wish I could've gone back to my school...but my friend never told me if I could and it's too late. Anyway so. It's early, my head hurts I have to go to that hell hole of a school today. SO you know what? I'll be back later, and I'll write more in my journal. It's been an uneventful few weeks. I'll tell you all about it!!!!!! ~When I get home from the H-H school~ Latah!

scream OKay...so I go to this new school right? I don't like it...not at all. But my dad seems like he really wants me too. Anyway, I 've had tiring, irritating weeks. And I've wanted to hurt someone so bad!!! But I won't...I'll stay cool, calm, and collected. stressed Grrrrr...THESE PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!!! *sighs* Oh well, you can't do any thing about it. SO other than the irritating people. MY life is as it usually is! Boring, and interesting. eek I've noticed something though...It seems as though I'm much less bad tempered. BUt YoU dOnT CArE!! Hey hey look, I made another new poem. It's good, at least I think so. It's called "Heartless Unknown" Here read it!!:

You don't understand me,
So don't pretend you do,
Your a hypocrite and a liar,
I no longer trust you,
Everytime I try,
Just to get along,
You reverse my kind affect,
To make it something wrong,
Rude and selfish,
Lazy and dumb,
You call me these things,
And you think you've won?
You insult my friends, my pride,
And my being,
Sometimes I wonder,
If it's a human I'm seeing,
You hear the pain in my voice,
Slaughter my feelings,
And still make that choice,
I'm blamed for almost everything you do,
They expect more of me,
You know this,
But deny it's true,
Why do you choose to treat me this way?
Protect me? Yeah right,
We fight everyday!
My kindness is beyond you,
You don't deserve a bit,
Fire burns in my soul,
And it's a flame you lit...

You like it?? Huh huh? I made it when I was pissed at my sister. So if it don't make sense that's why. Hehe. Anyway. IT'S ME MOMS BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF ME TO...MY MOM!!!!!!! WOOT!!!! sweatdrop ninja ...anywayThat's about all I've got to yap about right now. I'll be back tomorrow to annoy you peoples some more. blaugh

So today I was talking to my friend...and I told her she was weird because she wrote funny things in her journal. She didn't flip or anything I just think it's funny that she doesn't want me to read it. I mean I've known her forever and it's not like it really matters what she writes cause I don't really care. Anyway I thought it was pretty funny. I'm gonna start another story soon. Not that any of you have read any of my other ones. But hey! I have like 5 already. I just have a feeling Im going to make another. Here's a preview!!:

He watched her as she gracefully walked through the crowded halls. Her beauty was unearthly, and she had an air about her that he couldn't grasp. As much he would have liked to speak with her...he couldn't. He was nervous. He knew he'd feel awkward around someone like her. She wasn't popular...and she wasn't a nerd. She was an outcast. One of those people who only talked to a select few. He stopped watching her and turned back to his locker. I don't have time waste on girls right now He thought shaking off the feeling and pulling out his books. But he couldn't forget the soft tanned look of her skin and her dark hair. Now that he noticed...her hair was an odd color. Once more he shook his head. Now is not the time He thought again.

As he walked through the tables and chairs to get to his desk he noticed he had forgotten his history book. He cursed himself under his breath, silently slipping out of the door while Mrs.Makuno continued her lecture on how irresponsible Highschool Juniors were. He rolled his eyes and continued the quiet retreat to his locker.

wink So what do you think? You like it? Or don't you. It's not like my other stories. But I think it'll turn out great. Let me know how you like it. wink

Today was a very busy day. Lots of work to do. And I managed to get it all done!!!! Almost anyway. sweatdrop I had track today and found out Im doing the long jump...the 60 meter dash and the 1 by 400 meter relay. W00t W00t!!!!!!! It should be fun. Anyway This week is busy. Got GS on Friday I get to sleep in a friggin mall. Not as fun as it sounds though. And Mother's day is Sunday. Still need to buy a present. That and my friends birthday is also on M-day. OOOHHHh oh oh look at this Poem I wrote. It's awesome...at least I think it is. It's short but I like it:


My feelings matter not,
As do the truth in my lies,
You don't understand me,
So I'll say my good-byes,
Whether you like it or not,
Im not going to stay,
So I can live unwillingly,
In this dugeon to decay,
My life is not worthless,
As you say...

Cool no? If you don't think so...YOU SUCK!! But hey. It's a matter of opinion. xd

You know...sometimes I wonder what the point in life is. I guess that makes you think Im suicidal huh? Well Im not so no worries. I'll die when convenient for God. Life sucks... but I gotta deal with it huh? My friend is being corrupted by the preps at school. It bites cause I don't know how to stop it. I don't even have her lunch! And the girl with the RP thing in a notebook is really starting to piss me off. She's SoOooooo annoying. Call me jealous but MY best friend likes her drawing better than mine. How gay is that!!!! Ah well. Not much I can do about it eh? I should be sleep right now. But I still got L.A. homework to do. *sighs* I feel so alone. So many cute guys at school and Im afraid to admit it. But what the hell does that have to do anything...you ask! I don't know really....I guess nothing. Hm...hey! Look what I made:

In the end you will wonder why I left. Why I went to the other world and left you here to cry, and whine, and wallow in your despair. You will wonder why, when I died...you were the only one to care. You will ponder. Day and night you will think upon how my life could so important to just one person...but so meaningless to all the rest. Does this mean that though I meant everything to you, no one else saw me for what I was, for what you saw me as. I cannot answer that question. Only say that, my life was yours, as it was mine. You saw me through your divine eyes as the only one that ever mattered... the only one that you could and would ever love. Could it be true? Maybe, maybe not. Who ever knows is the one that will understand in the end. That the fiery depths of hell is only an imaginary place people make up to scare one another. But heaven...heaven is real. I am there...holding my hand out to you. Waiting...always...waiting. For you, so you will come to me in the end. The end of your life, I will be waiting with my arms open wide so that I may pull you into my warm embrace. I will smile brightly when I see your face, and grace your face with my velvet lips. You will meet me there...we will finish our life together in the astonishing paradise. With lost family and friends...we will be together. Together, always...together.

~Mizuyu Kanazaki~

Oh how I wish that were true...but I don't even have a b/f! I wonder if I ever will...I never have. Maybe Im not good enough....but hey who gives a damn! I don't need a man. I'll just be all by my lonesome forever and be happy!!! smile see a great happy smile. Aw...what do you care?

Yo! Mizu here. Well yeah who else. Im kinda bored. And Im moving in like a 3 weeks. Sucks yeah. Not like any of you bastards care. *sighs* Ah well. Not much I can do about it. And whining won't help either. Dammit. I really don't want to move. Oh yeah V-day is tomorrow. Such a stupid holiday yeah? Or am I the only one that thinks so?