hi i need ppl's opinion about my story it's not finish just tell me wat u think of it thank u mrgreen
SHADOW
&
LIGHT
“Long long ago, there was an ancient city called ‘ACOG’. ACOG means ‘Ancient City Of Gold’. The city was full of gold, silver, and bronze. People who lived in ACOG had a ruler named Zenzahashi. He had a power called ‘Kikahashi’ which means ‘The Power of Shadow And Light’. Zenzahashi ruled over 2 years making the people who lived in ACOG, his slaves. Until he was destroyed and buried in a sacred tomb called ‘Higorashi’ by a powerful priest named Benjahashi. Now it’s a legend, no one knew what or where it happened....”
“Why are you stopping dad?”
“Oh, nothing.... you see, when I
will disappear, you will be on your
own.”
“Dad you already told me that a
thousand times!!!”
“Miranda this is serious!”
“ I know it is dad, I’m 13 years
old now I’m not a baby anymore!”
“ I know that but when you grow up you can find many secrets.”
“ Can you please, continue the story now, i want to hear what happened next.” “Alright, alright I’ll move on. Now where was i... ah yes...
It’s been 15 years in ACOG after when Zenzahashi died. The powerful priest Benjahashi was Zenzahashi’s young brother. Bejahashi died after he put a sacred spell to the whole city of ACOG. the spell was for protecting the people who lived in ACOG.........”
“That’s it?”(Miranda) “Well..... Yes”(Miranda’ s dad)
“That was the quickest story ever, but it was so cool.”(miranda)
“Ha ha ha ha.”(Dad)
After the game of basketball I walked home with my dad in westdale street
“Dad....” (Miranda) “Yes?”(Dad) “Is the story you told me today true?”(Miranda) “I will tell you when the time is right, and besides it’s past your bedtime.” “Ok” When my father left my room, I closed my eyes and started thinking about the story. Couple minutes later, when I opened my eyes I heard a glass broke.........
I ran downstairs in the living room where I saw my father dead on the
ground. “Daddy! ! !” I cried in tears that night.
It’s been 3 years after when my father died although I now lived with my cousin name Simon Vastorio. He just turned 17 a month ago.
I turned 16 in just 1 week ago.
When I was 13 my hobby was to play
basketball,but now all I like to do is to
explorer...I have done many missions like
exploring temples from China, Asia, even in
the lost woods of Africa. My cousin is an
inventor/investigator. I also own 2 guns for
only one reason which is top secret...
if i told you than i would have to kill you.
My cousin is super rich it’s
only because of his inventions
my favorite place to be is
either the pool or the gym.
Simon also has in own
computer/lab room.
So now that i live in a
mansion I figure it’s the
coolest place to be we also
have a Servant but also our
best pal Mr. Dilton the
butler but we call him Dilt. “Good morning Ms. Shivel may I get you some tea?” Dilton asked. “Good morning Dilt and no thank you for the tea i’m fine.” I said. “Very well” Mr. Dilton said. i went downstairs already dressed up and made myself breakfast. Couple minutes later I heard the door ring a bell. Mr.Dilton called me and told me there was a
package for me. I ripped it open with my pocket knife and started to look through to see if there’s any letter. But all I saw was a silver sun that has a slot that looked like a key on the back. I went to
ask my cousin Simon. “What do you think this is
Simon?” I asked. “I don’t know but it’s magnificent”
He said in a british accent voice. “ It came from a
package.” I said. “Do you know who it is from?” He asked while staring at the strange looking key. “I believe this will be your answer.” Mr.Dilton said handing an envelope. We looked at the envelope and saw no name,m so I opened it with my pocket knife and started to read. I just sat on the stairs shocked of who it was from. “It’s from my father, he wrote this before he died.” I said. “What does it say ?” Simon asked. But before i could say i saw Mr. Dilton pushing Simon away in order to leave me be. I was reading the letter that my father gave me. In the letter it said,
“Dear Miranda, I see that you finally have the sun key.... this key will lead you to a secret place. I think you will remember the story of the night before i died...” After i heard that phrase i started to grow tears in my eyes. But i moved on and started where i left off. “ It’s the story of the ancient city of gold ACOG
lost_angel_of_beauty Community Member 
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