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Sooo this is a random entry to a journal I'm pretty sure no one would even care to read, so I'mma just let all my random thoughts loose. I would normally write in a diary like book about stuff, but I feel like typing sooo yeah....here I is e.o I also don't feel like bothering other people with my thoughts like I feel like I get more out without people replying back even though it still feels nice to let things out cuz even doing this I'm still keeping my feelings to myself. But whatever xD

#1 - I don't like compliments, I don't need people complimenting about everything I do. I don't have a big ego or anything, but I obviously don't think I suck and I know I'm pretty good at things, so I happy without people telling me that all the time. "Omg you are amazing at drawing, I wish I was as good as you," "You make me look like I suck in comparison to great you are," "You are the most beautiful and amazing girl in the world," and so on... I'm not good at taking compliments it makes me feel like I should compliment back in return, and sometimes I don't know what to say and I get awkward e.o A compliment here and there is good and all but when it's the same thing over and over again it just seems pointless like the "most beautiful girl in the world" compliment is breath taking at first, something worth getting excited about, its red cheek worthy, but after the 100th time hearing it it's like the same as saying "You look ok" its not even worth a second thought, like ok thanks Id rather you say "that mustard on your face sure looks cute" would that not be more entertaining? I definetly wouldn't forget that. I'd probably tell all my friends and get excited I wouldn't even know why. Maybe its weird that'd I'd prefer that over most beautiful girl in the world, but I am clearly aware that I am indeed not that person, even if beauty is relative there is more attractive people out there. And no I don't have confidence issues I know I'm freakin' foxy xD I'd just rather say something more easy for me to relate to like "I think youre pretty" or "Your cute" or "You look nice."

#2 - I like simplicity, this probaly will be similar to #1 but whatever xD I just want to say I'd much rather have someone say I look nice one time and make it special rather than have someone say i'm beautiful every 5 seconds. Idk why people need to make things so extravigant?! Like I'd rather have you say: "You are the most beautiful and amazing and perfect and flawless person in the world you are like a queen to me. I can't take my eyes away from your flawlessness" [A bit exagerrated for effect] a billion times vs. "You look nice" Like the Kate Nash song "Birds" That said "he said well you look, well, nice....I only wanted him to think I looked nice and he did" Like he appreciates me in that one moment right then and there instead of making it this huge thing all the time. I feel like when people over do it its almost like they don't know me? Anyone can say I look beautiful, but how many people can say that they think its cute how i make weird faces at myself when I see my reflection? They'd need to know me to say that. Does that sound contradicting? I'm happy with you look nice, but I also want personal? Idk xD I guess I just want the best of both worlds without the superficial stuff inbetween.

#3 - When people move things along too fast. I am antisocial and like my space. When people I first meet someone and they are like I love you and hugging me like we've been friends for years... It awkward, like I don't even do that with my close friend. I understand some people don't have personal boundries, but seriously! How can one be so forward right away? I definetly don't roll that way, in fact I hate being touched in general. I hate when I tell people and they just ignore me, and the worst part is that when it matters I'm too nice to do anything about it! On an average day if a friend of mine pokes me of hugs me to make me freak out and to tease me I have no issue smacking them and putting them in their place, but when it's someone I don't know well, what am I suppose to do? hit them? no! I don't wanna be mean, that's not who I am. I actually don't even know how to handel myself in the situation. Make the face? e.o I'm just so awkward, It gives people the impression that I either don't like them at all, that I'm depressed er something weird like that, or that I'm giving them the ok by not doing anything. ANd it is not ok! like seriously I hate it >.< On top of that what with all the mush in the first convo? You do not love me! I am not the greatest person you've met. In a week you'll probably move on to someone else. It's no good for me.

#4 - Annoying Conversations. "Yeah," "ok," "lol," Ok I admit I am a repeat offender at this one, and that's just cuz I'm socialy awkward [the first step is acceptance xD] but If you give me nothing to work with how am I suppose to respond? Like "What's up, not much, that boring, yes it is, do something, like what, idk, ok, yeah, lol" What the crap it that? is that even considered a conversation!? "What's up? I'm obviously riding an elephant and juggeling right now, isn't it obvious?, Duh well I'm clearly the idiot here you deserve applouse for doing all that while texting, dang right I do texting and watching an amazing movie, care to share the title of this 'amazing movie'?, well since you asked so nice I suppose I could but you have you share what you are doing in return..." ok i'mm stop that now cuz I've clearly gone insane and am now talking to myself...e.o but is that not 100% better? Why can't normall people have interesting converstions? In my experiences, the only people who have these kinds of convos are people and books, or super outgoing people that just excel at life. Seriously what is this? My friends are great to talk to in person, but sometimes personalities fall flat over text. I'm probably expecting to much, but when the person is someone you can only talk via text, doesn't it become important to express your self the best you can with what you have? Do you want me to get bored? The worst is when they jsut repeat eveything you say "That's great, yeah it's great, yepp, so great, ..." really? Pretty sure I got the fact that it was great when I stated that it was myself.. but maybe you wern't sure I understood? I need a creative person to talk to...

#5 - People who pretend to know me. Don't do that! when I tell you something, now you know that, end of story. Don't try and bring it up later in a place it doesn't fit. "I'm not cold so I don't have goose bumps, that's right you only get them when you listen to a good song, ...I get them when I'm cold too?[actualy quote]" Like I told you something and now you make it into this thing? like It was useless knowledge don't use it like that. Maybe you want me to know that you listen, and that's great. But why don't you use it in a way like buying me my favorite food, or remembering what songs I like when they come one the radio. Don't assume I don't get goose bumps when I'm cold just cuz I said I get them when I listen to a good song. Seriously I am human e.o Or I've had it when they casually spout embarressing information for no reason that I said in confidence because it was important to me at that moment. It's just horrible.

#6 - How to deal with this. I have no clue. first off this is my last rant, I have so much more I could say, but for now this shall be the end. So I don't feel like I can just say, ok so be more interesting, don't compliment me, don't be yourself anymore... Cuz that's what it is, they are just beiing themselves. I don't want them to change for me. Should I just accept it then? Should I expect less of them? I feel like they have potential to be really great the way they are, but they don't show it. If we were super great friends I honestly don't think anyof this would be an issue. They would know me enough to know what to say and do and what not to do right? I mean how can someone be so standard and distant if you were really close? I guess my issue is that I can't get to that point because they way they are is just making it hard to conect and to get anywhere with them. How can we get along if I find them incredibly annoying, but I know they are a great person!? I feel so jealous of the people that know them for how they are for real. Like Can't we just be friends? Maybe because you want so bad for it to work out that you are afraid to say anything real? I would be really happy if you talked to me like oneof your guy friends. I really don't get why guys get so mushy I feel like I'm more like a man cuz I want to leave the mushy stuff out of the relationship, maybe if we were dating it'd be different but still...and we aren't and probablt will soo stop pushing it?...

I complain too much xD but I feel kinda better now xD The End

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