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It's official, ladies and gentlemen. I give up on guys. Just give up. No more for me! I'm tired of trying to impress, of trying to compete with the flawless beauties like Tiffany that gets every guy she stumbles across. I'm sick of being compared, of being judged and treated like I'm not the kind of girl that makes a good girlfriend, but a good girl friend. I'm sick of falling for guys that don't fall back for me. For way too long now I've felt inadequate, like I didn't deserve someone because I wasn't perfect or what people consider beautiful. I was "different", as so many people pointed out to me. I wasn't beautiful like Tiffany or anything, but "different". I've been trying to change to be more like Tiffany, only to realize that I don't WANT to be like Tiffany. Georgeous, kind, and sweet may be her thing, but I don't think it's mine. I've told people for so long to reach into themselves and find the person they really are, to be who they want to be and not who other people want them to be, but while I was saying this I was neglecting my own advice. I've been neglecting my "difference" and trying to fit in--trying to conform, be the ideal of beauty that society is retaining. And while I still would like to be thinner (and am working toward it) and healthier, I don't want to be like Tiffany or the other skinny supermodels I see on magazines. It's high time I take advantage of my "difference". John once described me as a strangely shaped piece of glass, one that is always changing colors, and has some really sharp jagged edges and some really smooth and refined ones. A beautiful, strange piece of glass. Tiffany thinks of me as a budding sterling silver rose, beautiful and mysterious and the rarest of the roses. Not open to the world yet, with my soft beautiful parts and my sharp painful parts, who will open up to the world and be stunning for everyone to see. Chris has described me as a person that shines without even trying, and pushes other people into the background without meaning to. Suki thinks that I am like a really cool cartoon character. That everybody loves me and wants to be close to me, but if they actually meet me then it's hard to get close to me because I'm so awesome. Kim says that she sees me as an ox, strong and stubborn who fights for what she believes in. Ryan thinks that I am like a pretty box with tons of locks in it, but once you get past the locks you find a beautiful treasure inside. With descriptions like that, how can I not like my difference?

So yeah...time to go home so I can get stuff done, then babysit for money to go to the fair with Suki tomorrow, and all that stuff...so yeah. Fun! ^^

Gurkin's Quote of the Day: "Karma, biotch!" (My personal quote. ^^)