hey it's liz again. a lot of stuff has gotten screwed up in the last week. i've gotten used by a guy i really like, and feel like a complete idiot. my fiance won't even talk to me, not that i blame him, but i also feel kinda like i'm not ready to be married, i'm mean i won't even be 19 until June! Then theres this other guy i met at anime boston, Jay. I like him a lot ^.^ ; i mean hes here, he's starting at QCC in the fall, and he didn't treat me like a sex toy or use me to get off or anything. Besides he knows what its like to feel pain. I like Josh, i really do and everytime i see him i want to melt into his arms, but he's hurt me, pretty badly. I still don't know if i could trust him enough to ever have a real relationship with him. He's just said and done a lot of stuff that hurt me, and even though i'm pretty sure he feels bad about it, it's still there. I forgave him, but i still can't really move past it right now because at the time it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I also don't think he'd understand some stuff, like my past. Then again i could be wrong, he could have some dark hidden stuff in his past that makes him just as vulnerable as me. But i don't know because he never talks to me. Doesn't bother to answer the phone when i call. And i can't call Jay either because his phone's not working and i have no other way to contact him. Goddess knows i've tried every other means i could think of. So yeah.... I like them both i really do. But Jay talks to me and trusts me, Josh probably doesn't trust me and doesn't even talk to me and on top of it all i basically feel like he's just using me for sex. Sigh. And Phil..... He hasn't replied to my messages and i can't get ahold of him.... I think i hurt him badly, and i never wanted to do that, he understood so much of what i was going through, and i loved him. But i don't know, i haven't talked to him in like 3 months and online wise i haven't in about a month now. And like i said i'm too young to move down to Texas and get married. I'm afraid i hurt him though... i never wanted to hurt him...
Flamestorm06 Community Member 
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