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Journal entry ~start 8:15 pm~ april 11 07

well I am still stuck at the college waiting for my dad to get done teaching his class today -_-. I really need a car so I wont have to wait for him to get done. Usually i am not out of here till 9 on wedesdays. oh well I guess stuff happeneds. The event for this saturday is getting ready really well. I still need to do a few things to get ready for this event, but its coming along nicely. I been thinking about ideas i had for a character or a remake of one of my own. Yea i havent really made or drew anything recently all of it has been on the computer. I am an artist but i need to improve on my art skills. I get around to it eventually. ok I need to stay on at least one topic in this journal entry...................I think this time I tell about love life (or lack there of). well I will tell you but not in full detail. if someone finds out about this she will be scared of this entry and then go off to piss me off with another person. so I be detailed on what areas I can tell you. well where to start.....well I guess the begining. When I first met this girl in my sophmore year I was really attracted to her physically. At the time I wasnt into anime and the only thing i was interested in was Video games. When I saw her the first time I was in awe. Her beuaty would catch me in a daze and I wouldnt mind looking at her for a while. well in any case I think the first year I met her I scared her a bit with a (idiotic move) of a letter to her saying I had a crush on her. She wrote back telling me that she wasnt ready for love and she didnt talk to me after that for a while. I kept the letter as long as I could. I dont know why I kept the letter, it just happened like that. so then another year passed and I was now a junior. I went into a PE class to get ready for baseball season at the high school. (I was a jock before I met this girl XD) What I didnt plan was to see her again. she was in my PE class and she asked me why I was in her class. I said it was to get ready for baseball. At the time my feelings for her werent there or I didnt desire her at the time. so after a while we started talking and I was playing hard in every sport we were in. Baseball, football, soccer, you name it. Then I begin to notice that she started doing stuff for me that didnt cross my mind till much later. like this one time where she brought my bag over to me from across the field after we were done running. She couldnt run due to her bloody foot or w/e. I thank her and she was very quiet. and then another time where i was running and she had to sit out again she put on my jacket over her. I was like woah....interesting. And this was more like a couple thing were she put on the jacket. so after that I began talking to her and we become close friends. In my senior year another friend of mines invited me to go the anime club. I didnt really care for it at the time but I check it out anyways. And what you know it the same girl was there at the anime club. After a few weeks I stated getting into anime and really started likeing it and alll the while she begins to flirt with me. I think in the middle of my senior year I fell for her and started chasing after her ever since. she grew on me of what kind of person she is. It was going well untill I took up the role of being the perv in the anime club. yep when I first saw hot chicks in anime on that tv screen I couldnt help but smile at it. she saw that and started attacking me X_x. On top of that I took the role of being the naruto in the club and she became sakura and everytime I got perverted around her or glomped her she attacked me. (<< oh and there was a sasuke too but he isnt important) so yea i endured much of her hits but at the same time she was very flirty with me. In our club the roles we take kinda influnece us. so since Team 7 was in the club sakura was acting all lovlely duvely with sasuke. Of course I was jeilous at the time but got over it. in that last year everyone around was either getting girlfriends or was with a a girl. I guess I gave into a pressure and persued after a girl but then again i never really had one all high school years. so it was new to me and i was learning all sorts of things like how to act in front of girls and what to do in some situations. over that year we had a lot fun together. went to local cons, went across the street with other friends to eat, yep it seemed like I was getting closer to my dream. And what stopped that fantasy you may ask? well for one I told my feelings to her in a heart felt letter to her about how I care about her and how I loved her very much. she was very comforted with this due that she was having hard times. But she said she only likes me as a friend. I had two emotions I felt. one was sadness and how I was unable to get the girl of my dreams and two was comfort of what she told me in her letter back as a friend. she said that she put up the letter in her room. I guess its a sign of friendship I guess but I tried to transtion back to what we were before but these feelings for her was not gonig to go away. I try to denie my self to loveing her but I cant help it. I known her for this long and I lover her with every inch of my being. She the one that does not like love stuff. So today I am still going after her not giving up on her but takeing it slow. I think if I rush her into a relationship that for some reason willl scare her or something like that. So I am taking it slow with her till then. and I as a person must face if she does come with me to the college I am going to transfer to I must stay strong and let these feelings go. I cant chase after her forever no matter how much I am in love with her. Its a face of life and yea I am going to feel it very deeply but I have to remember. There is always a person better then the last that you meet. So meeting a person better then this girl kinda excites me. well i guess thats an overview of what my love life is like. hopefully she wont read this >> but if she does............talk to me on aim. ok ~ended at 8:50 pm~