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Sorry, my computer is being weird, and so I'm having issues adding the chapter today. So, instead I'm going to tell you all about some of the things I've been thinking about lately.

It's really weird, but lately more and more I've been thinking about a lot of weird stuff. Like one of my strong beliefs, is that everything happens for a reason, and I feel that there is a lot of evidence for that in my life. And so, I haven't been letting myself get down on things that I think are bad, becuase I feel that it will all work out the way that it should, but that's not to say that I don't think that I can change how things will turn out either, I believe that all of our lives are what we make them out to be, and that as much as we want out of our lives, is as much as we will get out of them. I think that for me, I want to make other people always have fun, I don't want people to just dwell on the sad things in their lives, and I just want everyone to have fun at times when they feel they should be really stressed and serious. Of course, I have a hard time saying this, as I am often depressed myself, but I always feel better after cheering someone else up, because I know that I helped them to feel happier when they were feeling down, and that makes me feel good. So, I know that that is something that I'm really good at, making other's laugh, and giving everyone around me energy, even when I'm tired and worn out.

Oh! And I'm not sure why, but lately I've been thinking about how I learned to read. I remember the exact moment that I realized that the letters made a word, and that the words that I saw, were the ones that I heard, and the ones that made up the story that was being read to me. Lol, if I remember right, then the first word that I read was "the" because it came up so often, I remember the book that I was reading at the time too, even if now I'm not sure where it is! I read that book so much, and suddenly when my brother was reading it to me, everything just kinda clicked into place for me! I yanked the book out of his hands and I finished reading the book to him! Remembering that just makes me feel really happy! Because if it weren't for that moment, then I wouldn't be the same educated girl that I am now! I wouldn't have gotten to read all the books that I have, and enjoyed reading them either! After I figured out how to read that book, all I could do was just read everything that I could get my hands on, and I'm still like that today, but I just have a smaller selection of books that I normally like to read!

I've also been thinking about how fast time seems to fly to me...it seems to me like just yesterday that I was walking into my high school as a Freshmen, and how I knew that this year was going to be fun! I knew then, that this year was going to fly by for me, but I still wasn't prepared for how fast it's gone by. I can't believe that the year is almost over, and that soon I'm going to be a sophmore, and after that a junior, it just seems like my life is in fast-forward, and I can't slow it down. I'm normally the kind of person who looks ahead to the future, thinking about all the kinds of things that I'm going to do when I'm out of school, and I can't wait to get there....but also...there's a feeling of wanting everything to slow down more. So that I can get everything done, and accomplished like I want to, but it just seems like time is going to make it's own path and that I don't get too much say in the matter. Heck, it even feels like just last week that I was a pixie in middle school, and that really scares me, and yet, that feels miles away to me now...

Middle school was a huge part of my life, that was where I met all of my friends that I have now, I was a pretty solitary person back then, I mostly kept to myself and didn't talk very much, making friends has really changed that. Now, I talk to my friends a lot, and I'm always active and lively. But, I have to wonder how different I would be if I hadn't made any friends...

That's another thing too, I've always considered myself a pretty independent person, but I guess that's only now, because I know who I am, and I'm confortable with myself the way that I am. I know who I want to be, and I know what I don't have to do, and the things that I need to do, I'm starting to realize that most of the things that have happened while I was growing up are the reasons for that. The way that my parents supported me, and the fact that my school never had a bully problem when I was growing up, I never had to worry about not doing something right, because I knew I could always get better at it, I've never had a pessimistic influence in my life, and that has helped me to be opptimistic for tomorrow.

I've slowly started to get more comfortable with my friends, but I still have the feeling that I can't completely be myself around most of my friends. I feel like there are only a few people that I can be myself around, and I guess it's mostly the fact that I feel out of place most anywhere that I go. Most people can't deal very well with my boundless energy, and the fact that I'm always really active. Whenever I am around people that aren't as good friends with me, and that I don't have much in common with, I always feel awkward, especially when they start talking about stuff that I don't know about. (Most of my friends all know each other from elementary school becuase I met them all in middle school, they live pretty far away from me and so they went to different elementary schools), so I just sit there and listen. And then, I feel weird just sitting there, and I can't ever add anything to the conversations. If one of my good friends does come to something like that, I notice that I'm taking up all their time to be talking with other people and then I feel bad, and clingy, and so I just back off and end up sitting by myself somewhere doing something else. (Okay, so maybe I just kinda sit in the corner and think about stuff, just kinda waiting for something to happen that I can participate in...but I don't sulk) It kinda makes me sad, I find it really hard to connect with people on more than one thing, and then it always sucks for me when I realize that I have to talk to seven different people if I want to talk about more than one thing. T-T

Another reason why I'm so independent most of the time is that I "talk" to myself, I'm not sure how to put it, and maybe it's how everyone does it, but I'm not sure. I end up for hours just sitting somewhere "talking" to myself in my head, I never say stuff aloud, but I'll just be thinking about stuff in my head and having debates and stuff with myself...it's really hard to explain here in words what I mean, but it's not like a psycoligcal disorder or something, I'm just a very logical person and I often think things through a lot. I'm not sure this is making sense so I'm gonna move on.

Um...wow, I've written a lot...I think that's enough for today. If you got through this whole thing...all I have to say is "Wow." It's not supposed to be organized, I'm just writing down my thoughts and talking to myself, and I'm letting you read it xd

If you did read everything...thanks? But I'm sure you'll be confused about something now... heart