I'll try to explain this clearly but I'm still upset so forgive me. Anyway, you see, I like this guy and I needed to tell someone so I decided confide in my shy friend who doesn't gossip or anything. The reason why was because my friends were so shocked when I told them who I liked, He's kind of geeky and likes videogames and stuff but I still like him and was never ashamed of it.
My friend would always listen to me banter on about how I was attempting to show my affection and get to know him better. My friend was also a friend of his but thank goodness she kept my secret. Anyway, I guess he's like most guys, that and I'm not exacly good at confessing my feelings, this is my first encounter with emotions this strong. So I decided to get some outside advice, I talked to my cousin about it and he also was on of the guy's friends, and my cousin told me the guy had confessed he liked my friend, my confident.
I was, naturaly crushed, but what I didn't understand was why I couldn't seem to feel anger or hatred towards him or my friend. My feelings were so strong for him that I couldn't hate him for what he couldn't control and I deeply value all my friends, I couldn't hate her for that either. I was angery for a little while so I ignored him and avoided him. I just couldn't bare to interfiere with him finding someone worthy of him, I just felt if he didn't love me I had to let him go.
It's been almost a year and my friend moved away, I can't seem to approach him and my heart still aches. I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try, he seems to have such a strong hold on my heart. I wish he could release me, I just want to see him happy but...even if he did all I could do is watch and hope he is happy, then I would be. I can't get him out of my mind and it reminded me of a saying I heard "If you can't get someone from your mind, perhaps they are meant to be there." I know it's foolish to think it's true but my heart aches so badly. Part of me wants him happy and the other wants him happy with me.
 Pixilatedangel · Fri Jan 12, 2007 @ 05:07am · 2 Comments |
