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I'm going to write something here that I know I shouldn't cause it's really personaly and all and I know you shouldn't write it in an online journal but I was writting in my real journal and it didn't help at all so here's me trying to find some outlet.

I know this is going to sound awful, but if Levi has to go away, not to the camp but away away, I'm going to wish I was dead. I already feel like dieing just thinking about being left here. And I know he dosn't want to leave me but I'm so afraid. I don't want to believe that we could ever grow apart but I'm so so scard. I've had friends before and even friends that were more than that in some ways that I've compleatly lost touch with. And I know that if he dose leave I will lapse into the me that I used to be before he helped me. And I know that she's going to be even more afraid than me. I'm trying so hard to be hopefull. God, I can wait a thousand years for him at that camp cause I know can come back home to me, but it will kill me inside for him to have to go away like that. If he moves away and we lose touch I'll never ever see him again. And I'm going to change back into that stupid person I hate that no one else likes.

I love him so much. I can't believe I let myself fall in love like this but it's actually done me good, and even the court has done me good, but if I lose him, I scard that I'll be a hundred times worse off than I was before I ever laid eyes on him.