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I've been having alot of nightmares lately...
mostly playing on my biggest fears...friends being hurt without me being able to do anything, lonliness, and the latest and my biggest fear...not being loved by anyone...

So...here's my worst nightmare in a nutshell

It starts off...I walk into the kitchen and something odd happens...
I think I started cutting an apple or something...
then my parents start criticizing everything I'm doing...and the criticism just gets worse and worse to the point that they start scholding me and yelling at me...I have no idea what I did wrong but it was happening anyway...

Then things shifted arround a little and I was getting something out of the refridgorator for my mother and they're still yelling at me...I'm feeling like crap at this point...trying to hold back tears...and the nightmare ends with me walking out towards my computer.

Afterwards I woke up and did something I hadent done in years...I started to cry...
After starting to contemplate cutting again to make it go away, I decided not to...since winter break is comming up and I'd really hate to have to go to therapy during my two weeks off which are supposed to be filled with happiness and joy and blah blah blah...

I want these nightmares to go away...and sometimes I just wish it would all just go away and I could be happy without having to force myself to put this rediculous mask on every day that makes other people think I'm happy when I'm dying slowly and painfully on the inside...