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Preface

I knew if I never gone with this stranger on a quest to
save my only true and beloved friend, I wouldn’t be here right
now. I wouldn’t be stuck in this cold cramped room without
even a shred of light that to touch my pale face. But I am
somehow satisfied, I don’t know why. But it might have
something to do with how I got this far. I will give myself a
break for that. But it’s too late to cry and whimper with
agony. It will all be over soon, as soon as I hear the foot
steps coming towards me to drag me down the dark damp hall.
It might be painful for me to think about it now.
However, I will get to see my executioners face, the one I
trusted. And will always trust. Even now, even if he was the
one who put me in this nightmare. Yes. It might be pitiful,
and I knew that if I was going to survive I needed to escape.
I will refuse to leave, without seeing his face first.

(c)2006 Fallenlitttlenagel

01


1.New Comer

I never liked to sleep. Not since what happened. It just
seemed like I was wasting a big piece of time, which was what
I wanted. To waste all the time in the world. Not having to
worry about avoiding my desires, or dealing with emotions. I
wanted it all to be over once and for all. That’s what I
thought everyday, and the past. So I tried to get up and go to
school so I couldn’t have time to think about those things.
But I needed to get up every morning.
“Karen?” “Karen?” “Wake up honey, you know you can’t be late
for school this time.”
I could hear my moms gentle voice and her delicate hands
waking me up. Her skin was very soft, when she touched me to
wake me up in the mornings it felt like a flower tickling down
my side.
“I’m up mom.”
I breathed.
“All right dear. Get up.”
she said under her breath. She knew how difficult I am when I
don’t want to get up. And I defiantly didn’t want to get up.
It was the anniversary of the awful thing that happened. The
kind of thing where you just want to believe it was a dream,
but you never seemed to grasp that. I always kept my emotions
to myself, no. Not even to myself. I tried to ignore them with
all my might after that incident. Emotions are bad, no matter
what people say, I vowed that I would never use them again.
“I wish it never happened”
I whispered. Not really thinking my mom could hear my low
rumbling voice.
“I know dear, I know.”
As soon as I heard the light feathery sound of my mothers
footsteps I knew I had to get up and ready for the day
prepared ahead of me. So I rushed through my breakfast and
glided up the stairs. Brushing my teeth feverishly, I didn’t
want to keep my absent mind and try not to be late for the
bus...again. That’s just how I am. But I am going to have to
be responsible. I tried to avoid it but I failed. The bus
driver honk the horn at least five times before I heard it, I
was late. So I rushed out not even thinking about saying
goodbye.
“Karen!”
“I have to go!”
“Lunch money!”
She ran up to me and stuck it in my pocket. I rushed out as
soon as she said goodbye. I ran to the bus feeling the wet
sticky moisture through my socks from the dew in the morning
grass.
The bus driver gave me a terrifying, or was supposed to
be, look, with some warning in it.
“Hello Mr. Sazer.”
He just pointed back to the seat number twenty-four.
“New seat for you.”
This didn’t surprise me. I get a new seat almost everyday,
always in the back, away from the man in charge of the bus. I
guess he doesn’t know this yet, I like the back of the bus.
But when I went back there. All the kids stared. I didn’t know
why, at first I thought it was my clothing, I thought they
were nice, a blue T-shirt, with my favorite pants, they were
dark blue not to tight. But when I sat down I knew.
There was a kid across the bus, that had such a
similarity to me. I didn’t understand at all. She had light
red hair that reached down to her shoulders, broad but not
muscular shoulders, light brown eyes, and pale, fair skin. I
gazed at her in amazement, it seemed that the only difference
we had was the shape of our face and how I had a slender body
and hers a little bit more muscular, but not by much. I guess
my face was more shocked then I had reasoned to because I
heard giggles and chuckles coming in the back of the bus. I
looked down at my book bag which was on my lap. I had no
reason to talk to anyone.
I didn’t like to make new friends...not ever since, what had
happened, the most terrible thing that had happened to me.
Which is why I wanted to lie there in my bed today. I wish I
would of stayed home. Maybe then if I stayed home I wouldn’t
have to look at my ugly face into another persons, who was
right next to me. Just a seat away. Positioned like I am right
now, the only position I really feel comfortable, looking
down. I don’t know what bothered me so much, so a kid new to
our school, big deal. But...it is a big deal. There is
something about this kid, it’s all wrong.
It almost feels as the first time I wanted to have a
friend, well a friend ever since what happened to the only
true beloved friend I ever had that is.
It was then I realized we’re almost to school, the
dreadful place I despised but also my safest place, a place
where I needed to think about things but not about my
depressing life. As I gracefully taking baby steps at the
time, almost skipping, the new girl just sat. I wondered why.
So I let everyone pass letting my curiosity get the better of
me. And I skipped down the isle way again, bent down my knees
and used my most soothing voice
”what are you doing?”
I almost sang.
”No-nothing.”
she stuttered.
“Well I realized that! I mean, why aren’t you getting up?”
“Hey! You kids get off the bus before I have to kick you off
myself!”
I heard the deep rough voice of the bus driver threatening
us. I didn’t wait for an answer. I grabbed the new girls hand
and pulled her out.

(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel
02


“Hello, My name is Karen Vision.”
“He-hello.”
I realized that she was even more shy than me! That was a very
shocking notice, compared from me to her even though we look
almost exactly a like everyone would and could tell the
difference. That made me feel better.
“This is your first day here, isn’t it?” I tried my best to be
polite and act like I chat with everyone everyday.
“Yes.”
Wow, first time she didn’t stutter, I tried my best not to
giggle of my rude comment in my head.
“This is going to get interesting then, our school is one big
place. Was your old school this big?” I waited patiently while
she started to get comfortable talking to me.
“I was home schooled.”
No wonder she’s shy!
“I can help you out, unless your house was this big.”I winked
to show her I was kidding.
“That would be great, thank you ever so much.”
“Er, no problem.”
she smiled, so I smiled in return. It hurt my cheeks a little.
I wasn’t used to smiling. Maybe it is time to make a new
friend. But not get over it. I will find a way to make it as
it never happened, it might get me in trouble but it’s worth
it.
“Can you drive yet?”The question just popped in my head.
“I can, just don’t have a car.”She blushed.
“Same here, I just got my license, sweet six-teen.” We both
smiled. Even though it wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t
truly believing myself that I was going to make a friend.
After all, I don’t like to make new friends. And soon the
rumors about me will get passed down to her, and she will be
out of my life like everyone else. But I didn’t like to think
about that. It was then I realized that we had just walked
into the cafeteria, and the bell rang.
“See you” I yelled.
“Bye.” She replied with a stronger voice then before. She must
have no problem - maybe even like the good-byes. I was walking
digelently to my first class, while thinking about what had
just happened. I promised and I was about to break it for a
new girl to be my friend? Years how I have kept my sacred
promise...the one that truly kept all of my memories to the
one, the first one I ever called ‘friend’. It wasn’t making
any sense at all, I never thought so hard! Just then tears
started to make progress to glide down my soft, pale cheek. I
couldn’t ignore this any longer, not sharing my emotions to
the world. I ran into the bathroom sobbing. I haven’t cried in
years, it hurt, it was like my inside were aching over my
emotions. How did this happen? When did I start to express
myself? All I did was talk to some stranger with my face! I
knew this girl was no good, but I didn’t want to stop seeing
her, what felt like a friend, but also my worst enemy. It made
no sense and I wasn’t about to try to understand. I am sick of
not talking. I am sick of everyone accusing what I am inside-a
freak. I just sat there thinking about the things I have done
in the past from me making my promise, to the horrible thing
that happened, that just made me cry more. Then to now what
just happened.
(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel
03

Another bell, I smiled at the fact that I missed first
period, I was sad that I abused my emotions to cut class, but
also proud because I never cut class before. I never had a
good enough excuse! It felt good, a new emotion that I wasn’t
sure I can share with anybody. And of course I wouldn’t ever.
Just because I started to talk and think about things I never
did. Doesn’t mean I am ready to share with the entire world.
I had a sudden erg to skip the rest of school and go back
to bed, no one would notice, no one ever noticed. But,
something in my gut and a soothing voice with some worry in
the pitch black of my mind told me that I better get to second
period class in stead. So I got up, wiped the wetness on my
cheeks and ran out the door. It seemed like the day passed in
a blur. And I forgot what I told the new girl, I will help you
get around the school, unless your house was this big. Or
something like that. I couldn’t remember, too hazy. Even
though it was just this morning. I’m still a little lost on
why I cried, and how, after I never used my emotions for a
long time. I wonder if she was thinking to ditch all the
classes too - but really did. If she did think that, and
actually had the guts to, I think I would appreciate her more
than I gave her credit for. I would think about it, like I
always had, but never would. The new emotion I had felt must
have been danger, the sense that I was going to get in
trouble, if it was. It felt good, I liked it.
“Karen?”
this unfamiliar voice who had not I had been expecting the one
who would call - or know for that matter, my name took me by
supprise. I turned around to see who it was. I had no clue,
looked familiar but...something about his soft looking skin
with roundness in the cheeks not exactly seeing his cheek
muscles. He had dark brown hair and a little tan skin, he
wasn’t that taller than me. He was very cute, as far as I knew
anyway, I never paid attention in anyone in school before.
“Karen?”He sounded a little bit worried.
“Hmm?” Was all I could manage to answer.
“Are you alright?”Yes.He definitely sounded worried.
“What on Earth do you mean by that?”I questioned.
“Well, everyday I see you sitting here.”he looked at me with a
matter of fact face.”Not that I mean to, but that’s not the
point.
“Then what is?”I didn’t care if I was late for the last class
for the day. And I sit down without getting up as he stared
down at me.
“You never seem to care, but here right now, you seem to be
thinking very hard about something. It’s disturbing to see
someone thinking that hard when they hardly...”He started to
think about the words, probably not wanting to offend me.
“Not care for a single thing what happens in the world?”I
tried to guess what he was thinking.
“Not exactly what I was thinking, but yeah.”his soft soothe
voice had caught my attention, I liked his voice. I didn’t
want him to stop talking, but we were both silent for a
moment. Until he started to talk some more.
“Not to intrude, but.” I knew what was coming, he wants to
know what I was thinking, and if I tell him? What then? I
could tell we could be friends and if that’s the case I
wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. This is bad. This wasn’t
good. I kept telling myself that.
No one would understand why I feel down all the
time...especially on this day, he continued.
“I was wondering if I could walk to your next class, we both
have it together.”I was shocked, this was not expected.
“What does this have to do with anything about me thinking
hard?” He looked down at his shoes.
“Um...nothing. I just want to walk to your next class with you
is all.”
He didn’t wait, he grabbed my books and helped me up. I didn’t
have time to protest because when I got up he left, and waited
for me to catch up. He obviously knew I was going to argue.
But, he could go pretty fast had no clue what was going on.
This is going way to fast for my mind to keep up. So I will
list the things that had happened.
1. The terrible thing that happened, that no one knows about
is still troubling me, and I will never get over that.
2. A new girl comes that looks a lot like me. And I suddenly
want to be friends but something tells me I should stick to my
promise.
3. My emotions suddenly started coming back to me like they
had been there for years.
4. People are talking to me, maybe not everyone. But
specifically one new girl who’s name I didn’t care to ask, and
some guy who I have no clue who he is and apparently knows me.
It seems to me that, I am being completely oblivious to
the obvious, because I have no clue what this means.
While I was listing things, the bell rang. Last
period, finally! Not that this day was long...it was still
nice to know though. And I wasn’t late. That was a nice
supprise, I was in my class and the boy next to me.
“Here are your books, Karen.” He gently sat it down at my
table.
“Thanks...er...”I didn’t know what to call him, boy?
“Josh.”
“Thanks Josh.”This time he didn’t look down, he smiled. His
smile was nice, and warm, it made me smile too. And I didn’t
have to put any effort in it either. I don’t know what this
new emotion was either, but I rather liked it far more than
the danger one I met this morning, I hope we talked more was
all that was on my mind. Then I realized that I truly didn’t
see the new girl all day, maybe she really did ditch.

(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel

04


I was lost in thought the whole class hours. I was thinking
about everything that happened today, making sure I was
prepared to whatever supprise that was going to happen - if
something does happen. After all nothing ever happened to me
up until now. It has the most interesting facts in it. me
promising to my first and only friend, and then deliberately
breaking it. I tried to keep my promise to myself but somehow
my desires got in the way and my emotions came back.
I remembered what he told me after I promised,
“Try to be happy for me, and mean what you say.” he winked at
me then. I wasn’t sure what that meant. I had always seemed to
miss the obvious when it cam towards that sort of thing. He
smiled and his black hair ruffled all around in the wrong
places - it was messy. His pointy ends of his bangs were
flowing in the wind near his eyes in the field we were at. The
wind was gentle and cool. I remembered before that too. What I
promised. It was a weird day, that day, but not as weird at
what’s happening in the present. I usually didn’t allow myself
to think about this, it’s usually painful, but strangely I
felt nothing when I daydreamed of the past right now.
I could barely feel the wind now, and the tall grass was
tickling across my face.
“I dragged you out here because it has a nice aroma, you
will feel you’d have to tell the truth.” He used a most
soothing voice.
“Excuse me?” I was utterly confused.
“Karen, can you keep promises?” He was being serious, I could
hear it in his tone.
“S-sure.” I stuttered, looked down, and blushed.
“You’re a good person Karen.” He looked like he was trying to
gather words. “What I mean is, you could make friends easily,
so why do you only hang with me?” Was he being serious?!
“Because your my first and only friend, Sam. He looked at me
with intense eyes, looking for a hint of humor on my face?
“I know you only feel sorry for me Karen, I’m weird and you
know it, that’s why no one hangs with me, or you, I’m not good
for you.” He looked at me with a straight face. I was about to
tell him otherwise, but he wasn’t finished. “I want you to
promise me to make new friends. I will too. I really like you
Karen, truly and honestly. But, I’m not as good for you as you
think.” He informed me again, I had no clue what was going on.
“We’ve been friends for about a year, you’re plenty good.” I
was third-teen at the time, and had no practice with
depression. But I managed to hold on what he was saying
without whining or anything.
“Karen, if you care. You will say these exact words, I
promise.” It didn’t seem that bad. After all, if I say these
words, this scene would be over and I wouldn’t even think
about making new friends.
“I promise.” I repeated.
“Good, Karen, now I will take you home.” He told me, but he
still wasn’t cheerful. I don’t know why he thought this deep,
for he was only third-teen as well.
The next day he wasn’t at school, or the next, or the
next. He was gone. He left me with a promise I told myself I
wouldn’t keep. He left me with a deep emotion as well. I felt
devastated, sad, and most of all, lost. So, I then promised
myself I wouldn't keep my promise to him. I thought it
seemed fair, I lost something, so he looses my promise. Up
until now I seemed to do will with my private promise. Keeping
my parents unsuspected when I came home, by talking to them,
lying mostly, about my day. Then at school, ignore anyone who
even crossed my path. I never showed any emotion or felt it,
except one, pain, when I thought about this.
“Karen?” called a familiar voice. It was then I realized where
I really was, at school.
“The bell rang, I’ll walk you home if you like.” Josh offered.
Was I free to refuse?

(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel
05

I smiled, but I don’t know if I’m ready for real friends,
well, not to explain it to my parents any way, seeing a boy
walking with me near the house.
“Thanks, Josh, but I think I’ll want to be alone.” He looked
at me with curiosity, and pressed his lips together.
“To bad.” He smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back, his smile
was so heartwarming. I was tongue-tied, I really had no clue
how to respond to that, I could refuse but part of me, very,
very deep down told me that would be stupid and I would regret
it later. And yet another part reminded me of a personal
promise rather than the promise I made for him.
I nodded. And his eyes sparkled in delight. I chuckled.
“Earlier.” He started to say as we walked out of the empty
classroom.
“When I said I saw you everyday.” He glanced at me, with
curiosity to see what my expression was. I kept it cool,
showing nothing, which was the exact opposite on how I felt,
at least, I felt something, pain? Agony? Dispare? Or... was it
really the feeling of friendship? I shivered at the thought,
the thought of years of participating, of desire of friends
and pushing it away with the passed, go straight away from my
mind, like a bird flying free from it’s cage. I almost forgot
Josh was still talking, or started again at least.
“I ride your bus with and you walk the same route as me home.”
He steadied his pace with mine, he slowed down for me.
“I got sick of not talking to you.” He told me with a face
that looked like he just tasted something sour.
“Oh?” I was never prepared for this - or any kind of contact,
besides of my parents. Where all they ever asked”How was your
day?” And I replied with a well prepared answer, different
everyday to keep them unsuspected on how I truly felt.
“Karen, I know you went through something, and you haven’t got
over it. There’s rumors you know.” He said with a positive
tone. I looked at him, baffled, where was he going with this?
I could barely keep up with his fast - paced mind.
“And I want to be your friend.” As we hit fresh air, all the
thoughts and daydreams came back to me.
“Friend?” That word made my throat tingle.
“Yes, Karen, friend,” He said with a patient tone. “And I
won’t even think of listening if you tell me I was wrong, and
you don’t want friends one-million times, after all, I know
you would be lying. That’s something about you am sure of.” He
was right I wanted a friend. I had to assure him somehow. to
make sure he doesn’t leave me, and a very familiar pain would
come crawling back.
“You’re right.” I fidgety agreed with him. He nodded quick and
gave me a smirk.
“Good-bye, Karen.” It was a shock at first. Could he read
minds? And wanted my pain to crawl back? But, it was then I
recognized where we stopped, we were at my house.
“Thanks for walking with me.” I mumbled, but it sounded more
like a question. I never thanked anyone for walking with me,
not since I was third-teen anyway.

(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel
06

“Anytime you want me too, or I want to that is.” He passed me
a teasing smile. I smiled back, as usual. He waved good-bye
and I went up to the door, it was locked. My parents were
usually home, but I had a key just in case though. I tried to
be quick about the act of unlocking the stubborn door and
stepped inside from the West Virginia air.
“Hello?” I wasn’t expecting anyone to answer, it was just the
thought of no one home, the curiosity got better of me. I
patiently listened - nothing. I shuffled into the living room
dropping my books onto the black, soft couch. A single piece
of paper fell onto the carpeted floor. It was strange, not
something I remember having. So as an instinct I picked up the
unfamiliar piece of paper, expecting it to be blank - what
else? But it wasn’t. It took me a little while to absorb what
was going on, a neat handwriting that was faintly familiar but
not the paper, it simply had:
I’m glad you’re keeping you’re promise for me, Karen.

I stared wide-eyed at the paper. This didn’t make
sense. Questions flew into my mind, when did this get here?
Where have I seen this neat handwriting before? Could it be
Josh’s? Was this some sort of sick joke? I never opened my
heart to anyone before, not that clearly that is.

(c)2006 Fallenlitttleangel
07