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Maybe I should just, change who I am. Conform my opinions to those people might want to hear, instead of saying something I think would make an improvement. Because clearly it doesn't, and that affects everyone around me.. It affects what people think I think about them, and what they think about me. It's all too complicated for my comfort, and it strains me to go over it all in my head. But hell, I guess I don't deserve the comfort. I don't do anything good for anyone, I'm selfish. I'm not even doing good in school, and I'm schooled online. Life is being handed to me, and I'm basically throwing it away. Most people aren't as lucky as I am, to have such good things. Sure my life isn't too good, but who's is? Mine isn't all that bad, it's me that is the problem. I'm the disgrace, I'm the end to my mother's happiness. I try my best to make everyone happy, but then the horrible person I am comes out and wants to be heard. It's ridiculous, to hear my mother say that I don't love her. I couldn't be more hurt, to be misunderstood in such a dramatic way.. Not to mention all the food I'm offered, I don't deserve to eat. I used to think the exact opposite, but now I'm clarified. I understand, that I need to sacrifice to make others happy. I need to be less of myself, to help others be more of themselves. It's all so easy, so simple. If I don't get involved, I can't cause too much harm. But that's all destroyed when my needs come into play, so this entire thing is contridicting it's self. I need to help myself, to help others. But at the same time I need to help them, and get less involved. But nothing works as planned, something will go wrong. And all my effort will be wasted. So what am I going to do you ask? I'm not going to do anything, I'm going to live and be arrogent. I'm going to be as much of myself as I can, I figure a lot of good can come out of bad. So here I am you ********, and you can't do s**t about it.

Sorry for all the bull s**t, I've been in a pretty bad mood lately. I haven't eaten at all today, and my parents keep saying something different. But they left now, so it's over. I wanted to ask for something to eat, but I decided not to.. By the time they return, it'll be too late to ask and I'll be yelled at if I do. But here I go again, ********..

heart Sorry I'm ranting too much, just a part of growing up I guess. If you actually read all that, I'm sorry..