In gaia, there are people who can relate to you and to your probblems. Gaia came at the right time for me. Our little group of friends were starting to fall apart.We were all backstabbing and trash talking the other freind when they weren't around ( sometimes i wonder what you've said about me...) In gaia i finnaly found some good freinds...i mean i always had some good friends but i fellt like i can never trust them with anything. We changed. We grew up and we see now. We see each other for who they really are. And it pains me (because if you don't already know this i'm telling you now. I take alot of things personally. i always have. not now though because i don't care anymore...not true...but whatever) to see all of us fall apart because for what? Love! Look deep into this situation and tell me i'm overreacting!!! Tell me there's something else... something other then love that's breaking us apart?!? (because i thought it was chicks before dicks...hands down)
I've been thinking about so much s**t lately...cutting, running away (which sounds really fun i have the money to go just about anywhere in the world!), and even the occationall killing myself. Sounds abit far fetched but whatever.
*The only reasons i don't cut myself is because i wouldn't be able to hide it and i don't want my parents to stuff my in a mental ward or go see a therapist (which i've been told to go see be other people who do see a therapist. they think i really Really need help)
*The only reasons that i don't run away is that i wouldn't be able to bring everyting with me. I'm not afraid of the consequences whatever it is...(i bet alot of people say this stuff but when it come to the real deal they're scared shitless...maybe i will be too?)
*And the only reasons i don't kill myself is that i have a friend who said she would kill herself to be with me(then she asked the same question...what would you do if i killed myself? well if you killed yourself i would get the impression that you didn't want to be with us anymore. why would i go ahead and say that i would kill myslef too!?!?!)and the high prices of the burial and s**t...but i found this great company that does everything for half the price!
What are friends if they end up hurting you anyways? i know that if you get in a fight it should make you stronger but the thing is...we didn't fight. It's all the little things that are adding up, building up inside. But for all my friends that are reading i've became use to it. I'll keep holding it in "because i rather feel pain then nothing at all". That's why i'm so afraid of loosing you all. The pain i feel everytime you do something is much better then if i were alone.
*Phew* I've been holding out these feeling for too long...
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
 Yourdarkestangel · Wed Aug 09, 2006 @ 05:31am · 3 Comments |
