had a bad nightmare last night. i havnt had a full nights sleep in over a week, but now im pretty sure its the antidepressants that did that. id rather be able to sleep over being down all the time. so the dream, it was rough. most of it was w/e but the part that got m was i was hanging out with my friend and he showed me this kool toy and i asked to borrow it to bring home to my gf and show her cuz she would like it, i get into my place in the dream and called out...... then came to the crushing realization that yea, i dont have a gf, i searched knowing i wouldnt find anyone, crying and just felt so broken. man, when i have a bad dream i really have a rough time all day. it really sucks feeling this alone. i have been talking to my 1 other ex thou, and thou im being careful, its nice to have someone i can talk with and be more open around. makes the loneliness more bearable.
some days i feel like a little locked away part of myself is still in that apartment i spent so much time with "her" in. it was the 1st time when i felt like an adult, like life could exists, like i mattered and that coming home to there was right somehow. all things end, but i wish it didnt have to.
WaterAttire Community Member 
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