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Time to get Sentimental.

I move to florida in July. on like the first. Will's not coming. We've got four weeks left.

We already had a big discussion about this. Thrice.

I had been wanting to bring it up for a long time, but Will kept avoiding it since it was July and at the time it wasn't even June yet. I just figured we'd break up when I moved since long distance relationships, from my own expierence, never work out. Ever.

So, I started subconciously distancing myself from him. Very small things that even I really didn't notice. But he did. And one day he brought it up. Last week, I think it was. He kept saying that he could tell I was distancing myself from him and that I needed to stop because our relationship wasn't just going to up and end when I moved.

We had a big conversation abotu how I dealt with my problems by avoiding them and what it ended up with was me caving in, as always.

So now I've gone and re-attached myself to Will, and because work is giving us freaky hours, it's hard ot see each other every day. And because i Only have a month left, not seeing each other every day is kind of saddening, especially since now I've dedicated myself to not seperating from him.

The reason why I distance myself from people when I'm going to disappear is so I gradually become lonely again instead of "Poof!" lonliness. It always worked befor ebut now WIll's gone and screwed my routine up. Now I've gotten lonely and I haven't even moved yet. God knows what's going to happen when he's a freaking state away. Although I suppose it could be worse(being a country away, for example) the fact that we're not going to visit each other for a LONG time still stands, and I've ******** myself over.

I'm going to turn into one of those sappy bfs that calls saying "I just want to hear your voice because I miss it." Which I've done before, and believe me. It's embarrassing as hell. It's like an addiction that is taboo. You savor it but at the same time you're ashamed of yourself for stooping to such a low.

I got my yearbook today. I never wanted the damn thing. My parents, behind my back, went and bought a senior ad though, so they wanted the yearbook. They bought it, put my picture in it and everything, and they started it out with "Dear SQ".
It sounds stupid, but I'm glad they used that name. AT least they know which name I like better, anyway. The only backfire to that is I used to flame the publication staff under that alias a lot, and now they know who I am. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter, since I graduated in December 2005.

I'm not walking with my class, and I never got a cap and gown. In fact, the main reason for not doing those things was because it's a waste of time, money, patience, I was too lazy to go through the rehearsals, and I wanted to piss my parents off. I hated highschool. I still do, to an extent, although I realise what befits it had now. But one thing is for sure: I hate how Pope ran things and I hate how it screwed up what I wanted to do with my education.

The two things I REALLY wanted, they never let me do. I wanted to learn Japanese and I wanted to take Video Production. Video Production was only for gifted students, so I took a different course called Mass Media. This course bussed us off to another school and we learned stuff there. Despite Mass Media being BETTER than the honors class(Oh trust me, we laugh at the s**t that class produces), Pop decided Mass Media just wasn't good enough and cancelled it. There goes Video for my junior and senior year.

In my freshman year Japanese could only be taken if you were a Junior. So I waited until I was a Junior, and tried to sign up for Japanese. Japanese, incidentally, had changed it's prerequistices that year from "You have to be a junior" to "You have to have two credits of a foreign language other than this to take this".
Well, since I was waiting to take Japanese, I didn't take any other foreign languages! If I had KNOWN I had to take another language to take THIS foreign language, I would've. But I didn't. SO I had to switch what diploma I was going for, because I couldn't fit foreign language into my schedule at that point any more, and then graduated early - Tech Prep with distinction(Incidentally, if I had taken that foreign language and one more math credit, I could've gone dual diploma with tech distinction. ANd I would've, if my foreign language had been ******** japanese).

Anyway. Back to Will.

Someone, a really long time a go mentioned pictures. So yesterday I took some of us together. They suck, from my photographer-critiquing-a** perspective. My hair is down and my tail's on, but it's all wrong. I might post them if I don't get any more pictures.

Tomorrow(Or today, I guess, since it's 1am), after Will egts off work(I'm off work today) I want to go to the graveyard and take a few singles of him there. I want to be all artistic again. I haven't done that in a while. He also wants to go to the Georgia Aquarium. I'm not particularly interested, but I only have 4 weeks left, so I guess I can take some time and go with him. I'd like to see what he thinks of it. I have a season pass, so it should be pretty cheap(Why do you have a season pass if you hate the aquairum you say? It was a gift. XD)
Speaking of the Georgia Aquarium, you can see all of it's FOUR(yes, four) exhibits in the music video I made at http://ziko.zippyvideos.com
Yeah. If you've been to the Vancouver Aquarium, or just a LOT of Aquariums, GAquarium kind of sucks. But if you haven't been to that many or just really like hugeass whalesharks, then you'll like it, but eh.

I want to really go camping with Will. But I can't because my parents won't even let me stay overnight with him anywhere. I got an invite to go to WIll's Mom's house but I couldn't go because my parents said it was "inappropriate" that we sleep in the same house together. =/
WIll's parents made fun of my parents and Will wanted to slap some sense into my dad. I'd go over the whole argument, but I really don't feel like it right now. Let's just summarize it and say that my parents' only retaliation for not letting me go were "It's inappropriate" and when challenged by "we're not going to have sex, or even be in the same room" by me, Will, AND WIll's mom, their reply was "It's not about sex. It's just inappropriate." Stupid all around. But I guess it doesn't matter; I'm kind of used to it.

I want to go camping with WIll, but Will doesn't really seem into it. He said that the only times he went camping were to drink with friends, and he could do that easily enough at home. He also noted that anytime anyone mentioned camping he thought about gay rape, because of something his neighbors did or some weird s**t like that.

It just seems like he hasn't had very good camping trips, and I want to change that. I mean, what kind of guy loves hiking but not camping in a tent?
I'd also like to go hiking with him. He says he likes to Hike, and I don't mind it much(I'd much rather camp XD) but I don't really want to go hiking if I have work the next day, or if I have to go in a car to go home and sleep. Hiking and camping kind of go hand in hand. X|

I'd also really like to sit at night again with him. Will likes looking at the stars and the constellations. I like looking at the moon. We both like the night, though. Nature at Night is always so badass.

I also had a music video I wanted ot make of him and his roommates, but I forgot what it was because I didn't storyboard it out, and now I've forgotten what it was. There's no point in doing it now, I guess. There's not enough time left and my camera sucks, anyway. He'd probably never agree to it.

I really wish I had a tape recorder, though. When I was young, I used to do radio shows and audio recordings all the time because i didn't have a video camera. There is still something about audio capture that really makes me fantasize, though. I don't have any sort of tape recorder, but I have lots of blank tapes for when I get one. I'd really love to just make a recording one day of Will and I.

I used to make tape recordings of all my friends. There were two really notible ones, but they were both destroyed by vandalism. (Our neighborhood has some gangs and I happened ot be a nerd. You do the math here.)

I know it's really jouvenile of me, But there's nothing I'd like more than to play a nice game of pretend and have Will watching me play with My Little Ponies. No, it's not juvenile. Just really gay.

I think I love Will. I've told him I love him many times, but I get more unsure of it every day. The love never felt the same as what Chris and I had. Like I said, Chris and I was more of this soul thing, and Will and I.. It's more of a physical thing. I really think Chris and I had this "True love" thing down pat, but Will and I have a good substitute. This must be the love everybody sings about, because the soul type isn't very exciting in pop culture.

... If someone gave me a tape recorder for a gift I think I'd cry tears of happiness. Which.. Has never happened before(happy crying).

The two of us are screaming, even now

As if to confirm something, you tightly clench your right hand
If the rules are annoying you, just go ahead and break them
If you're thinking of resting your ailing legs
Move just one more step forward from here, instead

Even if we push our way through the distorted winds
Even if we outdistance the cold sky
Even then, we still continue to wander

The two of us are screaming all the time
Just continuing to believe isn't the answer
Expose your weaknesses and your wounds
If we don't continue to struggle, nothing will begin
So break through, beyond the door

Society has become entangled in complex problems
If reality is vexing you, just go ahead and blow it away
If you're planning on moping over abuse and slander
Let out your selfishness and desire, instead

Drown out the confusing noise
Shake free the gazes that have grown apathetic
Continue from here, on to the next stage

The two of us are searching all the time
This accelerated speed can never go back
Bind your strength and resolution together
If we don't continue to run, there is no future
So move foward, beyond the door

Even if the pride you hold over your head is a mistake
Even if the ideal you paint crumbles
Even if everything here turns to lies and wears you down
I'll definitely be here

The two of us are screaming, even now
Just continuing to believe isn't the answer
Expose your weaknesses and your wounds
If we don't continue to struggle, nothing will begin
So break through, beyond the door

The two of us are searching, even now
This accelerated speed can never go back
Bind your strength and resolution together
If we don't continue to run, there is no future
So move foward, beyond the door