Doublelift
"Are you quite sure you meant to appear to me?" Red said. "Not that I object, exactly, but it's a bit unprecedented.
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"Well, it's just that I'd never heard of a genie who lived in a telephone before.
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"I feel like 'don't judge' is such a cop-out, though. I mean, it's not a real defense.
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"Fine, fine. So why do you grant wishes, anyway?
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"But wouldn't all genies at least claim to be good?
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"Fair enough.
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"So if I ask you for something like devil wings, could you grant that even if you're good?
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“Well, there’s the obligate first wish—I wish for unlimited wishes.
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“Ah. It was worth a try, anyway.
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“All right, real first wish. I want real, working wings—not replacing my hands, mind you, independent limbs—and I want them to be devil wings. Black, not red. Cherry-red is just tacky.
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“I think just the wings are enough, honestly.
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“Do you really? I feel like it might be overkill, myself.
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“Oh, fine, you’ve convinced me. For my second wish, I’ll also take devil horns and a tail, and a dark halo. I’d like them to be retractable, please, just in case, and for the horns to be of use in goring people in emergencies but not so large as to make it difficult to go through doors.
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“I’m not picky, I’m just precise. I don’t want to waste a wish fixing something I could have prevented.
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"What do you mean I'm paying for this call? It's not going anywhere. I don't see why you require the phone company to notice you.
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"This is outrageous. Guess I should hurry with my third wish?
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"I'm sure I'll think of something eminently amazing or practical, but at the moment, I think I'll go with this. I'd like one coat always perfectly suited to whatever weather it is, cozy, fashionable, that makes me look like a giant mochi.
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"...don't judge."
