October is heading into it's end and I can't believe how much of my 21st year has progressed. It's within realizing these things I often wonder am I doing the right thing with my life. I always ask myself, "what do I want?" or "where do I want to go?" Yet the answer always seems to elude me. I know I don't want to be unhappy, but what does happiness consist of? What are the things that will truely being me joy? Is it working hard? Is it enjoying life? Is it both? Ever since my break up with my boyfriend, I find myself thinking of new ones, but at the same time my heart just can't/ The thought of trying it again is terrifying, but the though of being alone forever is just the same. Who am I? What do I want? At this hour, it's difficult to think straight so I imagine I won't be able to just jump up and answer these questions.
I often do not understand why I write these entries or publish them online. Attention? Understanding? All of the above most likely. I need to say these things, but these things lead to nothing, just dead ends and high walls. I'm screwing up my life, but I'm asking myself is this really screwing up or is there another way. I have no desire to finish college. I'm doing it for my family, which is right in a sense but wrong in another. I hate school and I often feel like the moments I sit in classes are a waste. Yet I don't have a plan "b." Quitting without a resolution to do something else makes no sense. Guess I have some thinking to do.
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Fayyette
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