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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw-ko6aINI4&feature=share&list=PL-OYRx9UFuRkV0Ukl7b7cPZ7UWLY0xoDm

Its not like I want to drink.
I hate it.
Its just the only options that doesn't involve hurting myself. As much.
We all know the other options don't we?

I just hate almost everything. so much...

Im never going to get a job that i really want.
Im applying to an art school that i know its impossible for me to get into.
Why should I even go through all the interviews? You need at least a 2.0 GPA to get into any collage. Mine is 1.6
Ill never get it up in time.
Worse yet is that my only other option is a school i promised myself I would never go to.
Everyone's always expected me to do great. I cant.
I'm going to wind up studying something i don't like and being stuck in a horrible job for the rest of my life. There's no point anymore.
I HATE IT!

What am I supposed to do?
Im weak. I cant fight even though I love to. Any type of martial arts is out.
I look at all the other artwork I see and I know I cant draw for s**t.
I even use bases online. I can only draw faces on paper from one point of veiw. Nothing turns out the way I want it to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O3KOKQynm8

And then I get home and Im basicly a slave. Im the only one that does ANYTHING and Ill still get yelled at for something small. Im sick of it. Then My brother will scream at me, threaten my life and actually hit me. My mom will defend him and make me give him his way just because he has ADD, OCD and s**t.
Im sick of it.
Sometimes i wish I could just show them these writings. Because when I DO complain, im whining and being a b***h. Mothers words, not mine.

I dont want to feel like this. Normally i can push it all down. And i know I shouldnt, but I need to because I cant let people see me cry. I dont want to explain why im upset. Even to the people who cause it, because They wont help, and they will somehow turn it back on me.

Sometimes I break down. Like today. Something little will set me off. Even I have a breaking point.

And i just dont know what to do.