Hello there, my lovely readers. Happy Monday.
It's been a crazy day here in this household, at least from what I have heard from someone here. I was pretty spaced out and to myself, listening to music, etcetera. I'm glad for that. I don't really know all of what when down, but I'm not really focused on that.
In past entries, I've talked consistently about this toxic relationship I've been in. It's over, and I'm going to tell you about it here so that you can understand what's been going on, and we can close the door on this.
It took about five months to do, but. It's done. I'm over this guy entirely and truly. I don't even want to be friends with him, or have anything to do with this literal, abhorrent, massive turd. I tried with this dude but, he wasn't receptive. So now I don't give a flying ********. biggrin .
We don't talk anymore, at all.
I mean, I did try to maintain that half-assed "friendship" we had agreed upon. But, it sucked. The communication wasn't there. Then the dude acts oblivious as to why I've dropped him, and what's going on with me. And, get this: he is now trying to go for one of my old close friends. And freaking lying about it. I hate that s**t. You can at least be real about it. Guess he's fine sacrificing the meter of integrity he has to keep up this charade when I already know the truth. I don't stand for this type of behavior, so he can take my last straw with him and shove it down his throat. Too many friends have screwed me over for you to be dishonest about that kind of junk.
I am just now realizing, what a real sleaze. I just found out, become aware of, a lot of things that have made me really open my eyes, see the real him. This has caused me to dislike him greatly. I've said I'll always L word him, and care for him, but I don't believe this anymore. I won't associate myself with him.
I will continue to maintain that I have tried, because I hate the thought of being a quitter or someone who gives up without having fought with every breath I could. It's really just not worth it anymore. I even gave him a chance to be completely candid with me. I told him, keep it completely real and truthful with me, and we could be friends. If there was no response, I'd know my answer. There was none. So this chapter ends here. Next.
There's this other guy.. Are you guys sick of hearing about the guys in my life or what? I'll tell you anyway. He's like one of my closest friends. He was actually one of my first friends, back in the grade school days. I don't want to say much, not to jinx this. Oh yes, superstitiousness. Maybe I like him. Don't know how he feels. It's nice feeling things besides anger and blackness. So it doesn't matter for now if reciprocated or not. Solely enjoying this feeling.
Speaking of feeling darkness, yesterday I spoke with that old close friend I had mentioned above. I thought everything was going to be fine again and we would go back to us. Wrong. She likes to keep old drama alive, going on and on about others. She was talking about people from the past, people I had forgotten about. People I couldn't give a cent worth of discussing. This experience sucked, it just brought back all of those bad feelings I had that I'd gotten rid of (so I thought). I don't like that, and I do not need that. I liked being chilled. Increasing the peace, as my best friend Scott would say. If this is going to reign our every topic, I don't know how long this rekindled bond will last.
After speaking with her, I had called my dude, B-Ryt, to vent about it. I realized a lot of what I was saying to him didn't make sense. I really was just telling him my negative feelings without giving context. "Everyone is the problem." I don't like being like that.
There also may have been some period feelings speaking for me.
It was nice chatting with you all. Have a wonderful night.
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