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This isn't going to be about a boyfriend or anything, it's nothing anything that you could spread to the whole school about (like anyone would care what I do lul). But it's definitely is about love. And someone who I really care about. Aahh I'm crying so hard my tears are making it hard for me to see what I'm typing.. x.x

At the same time I hope she doesn't read this, but at the same time I do..I don't know. I can't stop her or anything..but she'll definitely know who she is once she reads this.

So I have a best friend who I rarely talk to her, or hang out with her, or do any human interaction with her. So why is she my best friend? Because I just have always been there for her..anything that she went through I was pretty much there. And she may not know it but I'm still there, I was always there. I know I never text her anymore just to see what's wrong, or even publicly acknowledge the fact that I know that she's suffering, but..she should know that I've always been there.

And I feel so horrible because I don't have the courage to send her anything so I could help her, it's all just so complicated.. I don't know else how to explain it. But it's so inexcusable to just watch someone who I love and care about suffer like that without saying a word anymore.

For a while now I've been watching her (god I'm starting to sound like a stalker) change through freshman year..and I'm so sure that she's always been better than me, which I realized a long time ago (middle school). But I got overwhelmed when I saw her befriend so many people, people who seemed to be better than me, people who definitely weren't as awkward with me, they were just..they just seemed to be way better friends than me. I felt so intimidated I backed away from her. And hated that. I hated what I unconsciously did and that's probably why I'm crying so hard.

Another reason as to why I'm crying is because it's always been this way: if she's suffering, I am too. I remember when I didn't have a Tumblr I would always check hers, because I would be able to know if she was okay or not. When I saw that she was really sad I would be there for her right away..that's how it used to be. I still do the same thing, check her Tumblr to see if things are alright..and..to be honest, things aren't for her. And what am I doing? Typing a confession to her that she might never see.

I don't have the courage to send this to her. But she does have access to this journal, since she's read it before, but I don't know if she still reads it..

I really hope she reads it though. And if you are right now, I'm sorry Amy. you've always been my best friend and I stopped being there for you because.. I have no idea anymore. I'm probably being just really dramatic right now cause it's really late and all..and I might regret this in the morning, but this is what I really feel. I feel that I've ******** up. I just wanted to let you know that I still love and care about you even if you don't think I do. I'm probably going to try to find you and hug you really tight tomorrow. >__<