Oh... Wow. How long has it been now since I've come here? Quite a while... I assume. I didn't check, truth be told. Silly, ne? I apologize for any spelling mistakes... This computer doesn't have spell check. I kinda rely on it for, like, everything. So if I spell "the" wrong, it's not my fault.
So, the reason I'm writing in here... I forgot my journal. Incase you didn't know, I'm in Calgary right now. Normally, I reside on Vancouver Island, so... Yeah, I'm on "holidays" visiting relatives. Tonight and tomorrow night I'll be with my aunt, so I can be online in the evenings... But days will be spent at the farm helping with repairs to the roof. I actually don't mind the work. It's an excuse to be out in the sun and away from my more annoying relatives (oma and Max, my seven-year old autistic cousin). It's actually kinda... fun. We listen to music and joke around and the only real danger is the fact that the roof is rotting and we could fall through any minute.
Ok, so that's kinda really dangerous. Whatever.
I guess I kinda miss home. And swimming. And my friends. And... Yeah, I still haven't gotten over my crush. You'd think not seeing him for, like, over a month would cure me. But nooooo, I have to cling to everything in the past. I swear that he'll be the death of me. He's the perfect puzzle that I can't help but want to solve! He drives me insane with how he... Gah! I'm getting frustrated thinking about it! You know that saying, "I want to push you off a cliff, then run to the bottom to catch you"? It's kinda like that. But I know for a fact that he doesn't like me. So why is it so goddamn hard to just let go and ------- let go? Sorry, I to censor that... Didn't think the kiddies who might stumble on this would much like my use of french.
My aunt has this weird bowl... It's a cow. And it's staring at me with it's mouth open and tongue lolling out. Creepy. I kinda want to take a sledge hammer to it. And, trust me, i know how to use one. I'll just make it face the other way for the moment.... Ugh, that's even worse. Now it's like the damn cow is rejecting me! Stupid cow... [/sticks out tongue at claw cow bowl] Nuuh!!
Oh, wow... I got issues! Hahaha. Well, I'll just be good-natured and ignore the cow. For now. [/glances at cow ; back to computer ; back to the cow ; back to the computer]
Ok! Enough of the cow! I really need to go shopping. High school is coming and I need a wardrobe that fits, dammit! My jeans are all too small or too big. Since my legs are so damn long, nothing every fits once you wash it. I'll have to stop going to garage to get jeans... They shrink too much in the wash. Stitches is probably best, because they're long enough, but the waist is always way too big. [/sighs] Wish I had the confidence to just wear a dress or a skirt or something that doesn't involve legs. But the climate doesn't work for shorts and skirts and stuff in winter. And the 'rents won't let me wear heels. Like, ever. At least I can borrow those cute, six inch heels from Trinity. They're black booties with little ruffles and they make my legs look so skinny and fit... [/girl-ish squeal ; coughing fit]
Oh, yeah... did I mention I'm sick? Like, really sick? I keep having these weird coughing fits where I can't breath for a solid two minutes. I'm light headed and have shivers and can't concentrate... Not exatly a good thing when handling a saw, but I gotta put in my fair share of work on the farm, alright?
[/coughs] Uuugh... Shut up lungs! Don't wake up aunty and Max! It's past friggin' midnight! >.<
Speaking of it being morning... I haven't been getting more than six hours sleep lately. Not the smartest of my decisions, but I'm workin' it. Probably isn't helping my healtth, but I couldn't care less. Ok, maybe I care a little. Screw off.
Sorry, that was mean.
Oh, wow.... Depressing! I'm writing in a roleplay as I do this (it's a one on one between me and Kare, so ya'll can't join~) and my character's life is... Well, I really hope that doesn't happen in my life. she'd me, just older. And mom's dead. And dad's a drunk. And she remembers her father bought her mother pink belladonna lillies. And her fiance (it's an arranged marriage one on one) just handed her a pink belladonna lily. That's just... depressing.
Huh.
Hmm... 12:50am now. I should turn in, but I don't really feel like it. I've been going to bed at about 3:00am lately, which is 2:00am on the island. Average for me. Then I have to be rudely awoken in the morning. Bleh. Then it's to the farm~... -.-
Change of topic, I haven't been eating breakfast lately. Not really hungry, I guess. That and I need to loose weight. Like, stat. 26% body fat! I'm tubby! NOT GOOD. Even my own father called me tubby! Nnnnn..... But I can't stop eating until I get home because it's insulting to the people who cook for you if you don't eat at least a little of their food. And there's friggin' five meals a day here! Of fat food! Breakfast, brunch, tea, dinner, and dessert. Breakfast is Eggo waffles. Brunch is bread, eggs, meat, and cheese. Tea is... Well, tea and cake and pie. Dinner is meat of some sort with a salad drenched in dressing or potatoe salad covered in mayo. Then dessert is... Well, ice cream or jello or something. IT'S DAMN GROSS AND DESGUSTING! I've always detested eating a lot and lately it hasn't been an option. I usually skip breakfast, have some sort of a snack instead of lunch, then have dinner. Scarecly eating anything then having this forced on me? Uuuughh.... I'm surprised I haven't thrown up yet, though it's only a matter of time at this rate. People might think I'm anorexic... But i'm not. Ok? I have meat on my bones. I'm an athlete. I weigh, like, 130 pounds. I'm not anorexic, I just don't like to eat. Or drink. Maybe I should drink more? I'm probably really dehydrated... Maybe that's why I keep blacking out at times? Nah, it's just the blood rushing to the head when I stand up too fast. Right?
I guess I'll quit rambling now. Ciao.
silverbaned Community Member 
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