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(This is separate of the other series)
[The Shadows]
They surround and engulf in a way that cannot be described by any words mortals can think up. Shadows suffocate slowly and painfully. Why do they do this? I suppose because they are lonely. They have no one in their lives, they have nothing. After all who would really want to be with a shadow? No one. However I fell in love with the shadows at a very young age. I fell in love with them in such a way that cannot be described to the mortal world. I would wish for nothing more than a shadow to select me to be its bride or groom. I would take either role because being married to a shadow will free me from the confines of gender. A prison that mortals place themselves in. Why would anyone want to be just ONE thing.
Not me.
I wish to be two things, three things, four things, five things, six things...as many things as I wish to be at whatever moment I wish to be them. After all how could I ever just be like a human...claiming to be just one thing. Mortals after all are not just one thing. They are contradictions of many things and they happily play out these contradictions to their wits end.
Does that make little sense to you too....my beloved Shadow? You who are confined to being just one thing? A shadow. You poor creatures. Will none of you take me to be with you? Your exact opposite. How I could complete you if you would simply wrap me up in your embrace. Wrap me up, hide me away. Do not leave me out here to simply be alone. Oh please do not leave me out here alone.
My husband...or my wife because that person was too much like me and would not admit to being one or the other...that person left me to be with death. Death is so many different people though...so I must admit that I have NO interest in death. How can one be with so many. That person was so determined to be everything to everyone. There is a reason we were so miserable together. There was a reason that I left that miserable sack of nothingness.
Not like you my beloved shadow. Not like you at all.
However you do not accept me as I thought you would. You do not accept me at all. Why do you not accept me? Why will you not accept me? Have I not proven myself through you throughout my entire life? My voice echoes through your loneliness. You wrap around my words and suck them in. So why will you not take me with you!? Is it that you do not love me the way that I love you? I can see you in the corner of my eye....where they once stood, calling me crazy...they said that I had no business loving you. They said I had to be one thing. One or the other. You never say anything.
Can't you see what a perfect match we are then for each other? Certainly you see that we....
Did I ever tell you how I first met you, my beloved? When I was just a small child I first saw you in my bedroom. All covered in so many things that marked the confusion of being so many different things....I saw you there. You moved and danced with such an undecided sort of freedom, as if you had no prison. It would not be until I was much older that I realized the sort of prison that you lived in my beloved. It would not be until I realize that you were imprisoned by the light that made you dance and flicker. It is not your fault of course. Neither can I say that the light intentionally imprisoned you....
Mortals place so many rules on a world they cannot even begin to understand. They place rules on lights and on shadows and on death and life and themselves. Why, beloved, are there so many rules? Please answer me! ANSWER ME! Tell me that you are with me inside this cage so that I will not feel so alone. Please...show me that I am not alone. When I look up in the night and the light blares down at my face I know where you are, because you are all around me. The light casts you away from me, and yet....yet....without that light I could not have you at all.
I WANT YOU! You my beloved. You and no one else!
Of course...none of this is your fault. None of this has anything to do with you. Oh my beloved....
I once blamed you for all the pain I have experienced in my days. I once blamed the whole experience upon you. It was all your fault. All your fault for leaving me with the light. Of course you do not feel the way that I feel...so how could I blame you? I placed my expectations upon you and waited for you to retrieve me from the light. I waited for you to come for me....I waited inside this cage of light, inside this prison of....
When I look for you I know you are not there, just in the corners....
When I met the person I would wed, because I was a foolish soul who though I could leave you once I grew up...when I met that person I thought the cage had been opened. I thought...no I wanted to believe that I could be free of you. Yes....I thought I could be free of my beloved...and how you must have hated me for thinking that I could be free of. We were married...I wore a dress and suit of all sorts of colors, and my partner had many people in the church supporting their decision to take me as a lifelong partner. So then why did my partner...my savior from you choose to go to death when I failed them? And oh...the ways that I failed them. Oh the ways I could not help myself but to cheat on them in order to be with you. And you....you cruel beloved....you cruel shadow...
You cannot betray by the very virtue of what you are and the prison you exist in. How could I be so foolish to ever believe any different about you. And yet....and yet...I am still here, waiting. I question everything about humanity that humanity does not wish to see. All in an attempt to get closer to you because you, my beloved, are what they fear most. Understandably, you are all the unknown...and how I wish you would take me into that world of the unknown so that I could see it. They demand of me that I be this one thing inside this prison while I wait for you. Do I sit in a prison of light where you cannot reach me? Is it to bright for you to see me inside of here? Is that why you do not come for me!?
Please come for me.
I am not scared of being alone, if I were I would not love you as desperately as I love you. I would not need you as desperately as I need you. I would not sit here begging to become a part of your existence you.....You singular thing.
Or...am I mistaken? Are you like me too. Are you so many things that you have become so black. Like when I mixed those paints together as a child. Although when I did that I got brown so I suspect I am not wrong at all. I suspect you are the one that is wrong. No...I am sorry, that was rather rude of me, you are not the one that is wrong...it those ones on the outside. The ones that locked the door and turned on all these bright lights and demanded that I become one thing. And they demanded so loudly...so loudly I nearly listened to them.
But I am not that weak. I am not so weak that I would be tricked by all their loud words. I cannot be tricked by all their loud words. I cannot be tricked by these lights...I cannot be tricked.
Dear beloved I will not be tricked so come for me. Come for me. COME FOR ME.
They will not let me out of this room no matter how loudly I scream against their noises, and I fear that my partner may one day come back to take me to death before I get to be with you my beloved. I love you so much my beloved and I am sorry that I could not find a way to be with you before the light got shone on my face. I was told once when I was a child that I would find happiness. But I wish to find happiness with you my beloved.
Come for me.
 Evelie Harte · Mon May 10, 2010 @ 12:18am · 1 Comments |
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