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"I have heart filled me!! I feel great!! My heart feels so happy!! heart 4laugh heart " (3/24/07)


"I've been through alot lately, but over all, I want to say it's been fun. I mean, drama ISN'T fun, but when you find yourself sitting up at 2 in the morning, ding-dong-ditching your next door neigbor and running around thinking about "him" really turns you around. All this drama really stressed me out, but now I'm at eeze! Now I'm ready to do as I please! So, now what? I told you this awhile back that..."everything is all peaches-and-cream, but I KNOW something bad is bound to happen"...but not the same wording. But still, I was right (as always) and I know that soemthing bad is going to happen, and what ever it is, I'm ready to take it on. So, hit me with your best shot! I'm back and ready and, trust me, I will fight! :3" (2/22/09)

"I don't know where to start. Just acouple weeks ago, I finaly stopped liking him. Our friendship was jeprodized by me liking him. So I had to decide: lose him or keep him. That's what I had to think really hard about. Then, I began to think about my life witout him. I could only come up with two words-- "a mess". Sure, I'm living in a mess now, but without him, I'd have nothing to hold on to. I wouldn't have the strength to move on. With him, I had the strength to over come all obsticles. Because of him, I over came this one. Lose him or keep him. Without him, this would have never happened. Thanks to him, I am a stronger person. I decided to keep him. But I had to lose something. My love for him. You lose some you gain some right? I lost my love for him, but gained a freindship that I couldn't be more greatful for having. Life without my friend is only two words I can describe it as and I'm glad he's in my life. Otherwise it's be a bigger mess. I owe him one.

Life without my friend....a mess.
Life with my friend...the best life a person could have, even if their struggling. Because he gives me strength to move away from struggle." (12/20/09)

"Yeah, today was a complete waist. I sat on the computer all day waiting to talk to my friend. The ONE time I left, they got on. I'm still on, waiting. It's 1am. Why can't I just say "******** it" and get off?!? I really wanna talk to them. I hate myself. I get all stupid and s**t over someone who doesn't feel the same as me. It's rediculous. Do I still like them? I don't know anymore! I stay up late trying to talk to them over the web. I stay up late talking to them over the phone. I'm stupid. So stupid. I'm supposed to be OVER him! This is absolutly rediculous! Why? Why, why, why, why, WHY?! I'm not supposed to like him! I did, then realized he no likey da Bina. So why do I still act like I like him? Am I just used to this behavior?
THATS IT! I am used to this! I spent two years being stupidly in love with him, that I'm used to this behavior! HA! So I'm not completely over him...I just think I am. No I don't! He's always on my mind! UGH! I hate being stupid. I'm pretty sure Chloe whould enjoy this SO much. This is what Chloe would call a "popcron story". No reason why. Actualy there is a reason. But explaining has always been hard for me.
Wow, i'm really hyped up on that coffeee....." (12/22/09)

"Okay, so, yeah, I claimed I don't like my friend anymore, right? Yeah, I did. I sat down and told everyhthing and everyone living I didn't like him anymore. What now? No, not "WHAT NOW?!" but "what happened after?". Well, he's ALWAYS on my mind. I think about him 24/7, even when I dream. Maybe he's not in my dream but I hear his voice or his name being called. I CAN'T STAND IT! He's the first thing I think about when I rise from sleep and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes to sleep. Then, somewhere in my dreams he's there. When I'm awake, somehow in my thoughts he's there. It's never ending. When I say something, go somewhere, do something, it all reminds me of him! I can't excape my old ways. Can't excape the old feelings. Are they old? Am I still crazy for him? What does this mean? I'll probably post again later. Righ now, I'm gonna post a topic in the CB. I'll try to figure this out somehow. :/" (12/30/09)

"So, I know I don't believe in New Years resolutions, but here it is!
My resolution....
This year, I want to become a TOTALLY better person!
And....by the end of the year, I want this "boy" problem to come to an end.
I don't care what happens or how it happens or why or when.
Just as long as it all comes to an end and I no longer have to worry about this!! xD
What ever happens, happens. You know?
But thats it! My resolution.
I just want to be a whole new person.
A better person.
Anyway, thanks for reading into another year of my journal!
Enjoy this year's fill!!
I love you guys and Gaia!" (1/2/10)

"So this is the boy who I am having trouble with. O.o'
Yeah, it's kind of complicated to explain how it all works about our relationship and all the crap.
I haven't been able to try anything lately because he is grounded and it's still Christmas vacation. So I am screwed.
Anyway, every thing is complicated right now.
Don't be expecting any words from me after today. :/
I'll be pretty busy.
But I promise I will keep you guys posted about the boy issue as accuretly as I can. ;D
Welcome to 2010 niggas!!!!" (1/3/10)

"So what happened?! D:
Nothing. " (3/7/10)

So, in a nutshell, that's basically all I've ever said about "my boy" (or "him" wink since I joined. In between were distractions. Actually, there was WAAAAY more than just that! But, anyway, we're like BBF's now. I mean, we're tight.
Actually, right now, I'm listening to his MP3 player right now! (long story) So you wanna know what did happen?
Nothing. I'm serious! I mean, we're closer and better friends now, but...as you prbably couldn't tell, I've always wanted somthing more! But I know that's impossable because on March 5th of 2009, I asked him out and..............he said no. Which was probably why I didn't say very much on 3/7/10 because it was two days after that day after a year when I got rejected by him.That moments so small compared to everythig we've done! Because on April 16th of 2010 it was our first "date". It wasn't a real date, but it was a night we spent out together at my sister's flag football game. See? I mean, now that I look back on all the lovey crap I said, it's like all that crap was really crap! Was I sad I was rejected?
Actually, no! I was embarassed more than anything really. And relieved to know that I would stop worrying about him liking me. Over-all, it was interesting.
I do love him, I do! But it's different. And maybe one day, we'll be a thing. And maybe one day, we'll have a real date! But as of now, things are GREAT and I don't wanna ruin it! (: No more problem!!