Since that fateful Thanksgiving ten long years ago, a promise existed in my home.
Recently, as you all know, that promise ended on April 12th, 2010.
It wasn't just any promise. If it was, it wouldn't have been this painful.
On that day, a life ended.
A life that brought my darling little Patches into this world.
The very same life that was struggled with her life as well as her daughter's death.
Shadow.
Gone upon that day.
The Stray Russian Blue that stood upon our window still upon that faithful night.
Even now, I could close my eyes and see it.
A vivid memory of a Cat's eyes peering though the darkness.
A cry of helplessness shattering the night.
Yes, I remember it very clearly.
The decsion to open the window and let her in was one we regretted at first.
Caramell, the oldest, skinniest, hobo-ishest cat I'd ever seen did not like her.
But as the days crept by, she took a liking to her.
And we soon learned that Shadow was not alone.
In more ways then one.
She was expecting kittens. And a large number of fleas.
Only, we didn't know about the fleas until much later.
When Patches was three months old.
I wasn't there for the whole birthing process, but I did get to see Patches moving about shortly after.
Shadow was not one for birthing; Patches was the only surivior.
Because of this, she grew quickly.
In fact, her eyes opened with ungodly speed.
I have a baby picture of her on the day of the opening.
Time passed, and I suppose I did the thing any child would do.
I latched on to Patches, and let Shadow be more of Mom's cat.
It wasn't until a few years later I started bonding with her.
Looking at the Calender now, Patches would have been ten.
It's hard to believe still that she died so young.
Beggers can't be chosers, but I still wish she made it passed eight years.
I miss my sulky little sister.
When Patches died, I truely fell apart.
I had become so attached to her that I needed her in order to get up in the morning.
Nothing else mattered to me, and then she... died.
I swore to her I'd protect her earlier that week.
So I felt like the world's biggest failure.
There was nothing I could do for her; I wanted to die.
It was at that time I came to attach myself to Shadow.
She became the source of my energy, and my life.
I found my own attachment disgusting, but I couldn't put her away.
I needed her, and for two years she was my support pillow.
I learned of a cat who's heart always had love.
A cat I had overlooked for so long.
God, in those two years she spoiled me.
I've never gotten that much love from anyone.
Not from another person nor animal.
Patches's affection didn't even match up to Shadow's.
I cannot word it. I simply cannot.
Such love and emotions, I cannot justify them.
I would not do them justice.
Simply put, if I remove everything else that happened in those two years,
Everything that wasn't her, it would be Heaven on earth.
Shadow was a angel to us.
She truely was.
But, those of you reading this could probably careless about my memories.
Fleeting as they are, I remember quite vividly what I can.
Today, just now, all of my memories of those two years came to me.
And I cried. I broke down and cried.
And even as I type this, I'm still crying.
I believe in a wavering connection between "there" and "here".
And... I believe Shadow finally said goodbye.
When Patches said goodbye, it came in the form of a song.
And it appears Shadow has taken the same route.
She's restful, and watching.
And I have no doubt that she's not happy.
She's back with Patches, and Caramell.
And I wish her well.
As for the song, she couldn't have picked a more fitting one.
Every lyric, every beat; it was as if this song was written for her and her alone.
A Stray Russian Blue.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find a pillow and a pint of ice cream.
I need to find something to stop crying with.
Recently, as you all know, that promise ended on April 12th, 2010.
It wasn't just any promise. If it was, it wouldn't have been this painful.
On that day, a life ended.
A life that brought my darling little Patches into this world.
The very same life that was struggled with her life as well as her daughter's death.
Shadow.
Gone upon that day.
The Stray Russian Blue that stood upon our window still upon that faithful night.
Even now, I could close my eyes and see it.
A vivid memory of a Cat's eyes peering though the darkness.
A cry of helplessness shattering the night.
Yes, I remember it very clearly.
The decsion to open the window and let her in was one we regretted at first.
Caramell, the oldest, skinniest, hobo-ishest cat I'd ever seen did not like her.
But as the days crept by, she took a liking to her.
And we soon learned that Shadow was not alone.
In more ways then one.
She was expecting kittens. And a large number of fleas.
Only, we didn't know about the fleas until much later.
When Patches was three months old.
I wasn't there for the whole birthing process, but I did get to see Patches moving about shortly after.
Shadow was not one for birthing; Patches was the only surivior.
Because of this, she grew quickly.
In fact, her eyes opened with ungodly speed.
I have a baby picture of her on the day of the opening.
Time passed, and I suppose I did the thing any child would do.
I latched on to Patches, and let Shadow be more of Mom's cat.
It wasn't until a few years later I started bonding with her.
Looking at the Calender now, Patches would have been ten.
It's hard to believe still that she died so young.
Beggers can't be chosers, but I still wish she made it passed eight years.
I miss my sulky little sister.
When Patches died, I truely fell apart.
I had become so attached to her that I needed her in order to get up in the morning.
Nothing else mattered to me, and then she... died.
I swore to her I'd protect her earlier that week.
So I felt like the world's biggest failure.
There was nothing I could do for her; I wanted to die.
It was at that time I came to attach myself to Shadow.
She became the source of my energy, and my life.
I found my own attachment disgusting, but I couldn't put her away.
I needed her, and for two years she was my support pillow.
I learned of a cat who's heart always had love.
A cat I had overlooked for so long.
God, in those two years she spoiled me.
I've never gotten that much love from anyone.
Not from another person nor animal.
Patches's affection didn't even match up to Shadow's.
I cannot word it. I simply cannot.
Such love and emotions, I cannot justify them.
I would not do them justice.
Simply put, if I remove everything else that happened in those two years,
Everything that wasn't her, it would be Heaven on earth.
Shadow was a angel to us.
She truely was.
But, those of you reading this could probably careless about my memories.
Fleeting as they are, I remember quite vividly what I can.
Today, just now, all of my memories of those two years came to me.
And I cried. I broke down and cried.
And even as I type this, I'm still crying.
I believe in a wavering connection between "there" and "here".
And... I believe Shadow finally said goodbye.
When Patches said goodbye, it came in the form of a song.
And it appears Shadow has taken the same route.
She's restful, and watching.
And I have no doubt that she's not happy.
She's back with Patches, and Caramell.
And I wish her well.
As for the song, she couldn't have picked a more fitting one.
Every lyric, every beat; it was as if this song was written for her and her alone.
A Stray Russian Blue.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find a pillow and a pint of ice cream.
I need to find something to stop crying with.
