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Once upon a time i was 'normal' or just ignorant. But that changed,
reality kept hitting hard and still is - its caused me to sound like an insane person and always ' just exaggerating '. Because i give meaning to give everything, not only in art but to the truth. Humanity needs a ' wake up call ' - But the truth is so unbearable to your current mindset what i say sounds like junk, but the Illuminati, freemasonry, conspiracy, aliens (i know too far) etc is more realistic then you think. Whoever thought dragons existed, youd deny it but no i watched a documentary about it. [x]
I like knowing things, but not things that dont help me
finding calculus equations will hardly evolve to a new conclusion, i like researching but im an art major. I like disturbing things, horror movies and antiques. i can have interesting conversations which are disturbing if you accept it. Im rather quiet because if i cant express myself without someone lifting an eyebrow then why do it, but im not mute - so i have no choice to act normal. I have to go on seeming like an average person. But youd spot out im not no matter how much i try. Its just i realised i never smile, people calling me a scenie and a depressed person is something i knew was true but avoided. But i dont care anymore, now that everyones seperated in their own chosen subjects, and now im seperated from my closest friends i can take advantage of my solitude and independance. I like to study alone, i like to walk alone, i hate groups - i cant relate to everyone because well who has the same interests as me..
My art class is full of bludgers picking art because they think they can ace it without trying - thanks to abstract art. I can only relate to one person serious about the subject and well his into more of visual arts and graphic design. I am too but much more feminine, and not particularly. its nice people admiring your work, but without even understanding the concept and most importantly the meaning can be sad. When i have the chance to explain i sound so enthusiastic, my chinese art teacher has already called me the mad doll artist. The fact im doing dolls is some reason, a laughing matter, but they dont understand - why be repetitive. Why do some style in art thats been done to death. All my life ive unintentionally aimed to be different i liked twilight before the screaming fans came out. Because i looked like a follow up and fangirl i quit reading it, so i stick to unknown old books.
Its funny, in art class i cant help not realise the new girl (one year above me) staring at me while doing my work.. i tried explaining one piece and she called me creative _grins. She made too much of a fuss really, but i was better then most people in my class, only because they suck. Or nothing impresses me anymore. I have great potential, but my determination never lasts. Inspiration is my fuel. I really dont know where im going with this, but i dont know what impression im giving you. Another point, some reason my interests are so changeable its reached a very high amount. I was watching a german movie last night, you never can guess what im gonna do next. I dont stick to one thing, you guess you can call me 'perceptive to new ideas'.
In my art i dont only focus on the style, the theme, the colour, the method but also the meaning. There's more to the visual artwork. Salver Dalli's meting clocks gave 85% of my art class the impression that time is slow, but to me i saw it was running out. I am always racing with time. Last night it was the 3rd time i had a dream the world was ending. The first time i was calculating all these scientific theories that explained the world was gonna end, i tried repeating the theory as i regained consciousness so i can well try and understand it fully, but i couldnt. But all i know for sure is were gonna destroy ourselves with all the wrong weve done. Like Atlantis. Second time, i stood in the middle of the earth, as if it was the centre point on earth and watching everything fade away slowly - i gave up. But last night, for the third time i was screaming and shouting trying to inform people, but noone cared. Time felt like quick sand, and no matter how much i fought it didnt matter. Nights before, i dreamt of some bird lifting of flying directly up to the sky, the beak face to face with sky - flying, and it immediately fell back down the same path it went up. it hit me and and stepped back. Then i realised the bird might represent me, or my life. Im trying to directly get to what i want without gradually flying steadily to reach the point. I can symbolise nearly every dream, sounds like seeing a ball turn and linking it to your life - irrational. But you know nothing about irrational even though you implement it everyday. Saying the world created itself sounds like ' i found a pen in the desert and it created itself ' a mass of matter at great force can create energy, but how can energy create matter. Thats exactly what the big bang theory explains. I sound like an angry 80yr old man critic that knows everything, and hates everything. But this is just freedom of speech.
 Le Porcelain Doll · Wed Apr 07, 2010 @ 06:37am · 0 Comments |
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