What don't I need you ask?
I supposed it's "Love"?
Well here goes nothing. I'll be using codenames since some of my irl friends play Gaia too. They'll be female names too. XD
Okay, before this whole highschool crush thing; I had one major love stupidity; An ex . My relationship with my ex was well...worthwhile yet wasted? I'll call my ex "Anna". So Anna confessed to me and I felt really shocked since I liked Anna as well.
But it wasn't a good love. What I mean is; it wasn't really strong. I only like
Anna every now and then..since I guess I have this "yearn" for love? Well anyway to put things bluntly; after 8 months of a relationship I broke up with Anna and things just went..well.. downhill. I tried to make Anna smile and forget about things but well; Anna told me "I don't care if we're friends"
.
It really hurt...really. I got angry and ignored Anna eversince. I still am. Recently I looked at Anna's FB and saw Anna's smile around others. I look back to the memories where I last saw Anna smile with me; I mean with a lot of happiness; which was when we were still together. But now, all Anna does is frown around me.
I wish we could just be friends. I wish I could see Anna's smile again. A smile that's towards me.
I think "am I in love with Anna?".. I'm figuring it's proably because I don't have anyone in my heart right now.
-~-~-~-~-~-
Moving aside to highschool love;
In this summer program I fell in love with another person. I'll call this person "Charice". Well I fell in love with Charice at first sight. In the end I try to get Charice's attention (since me and Charice don't have any classes together). I ended up feeling like a fool. So, I decided to stop loving Charice.
I still have a crush on Charice though. But it felt pointless to be in love when you only know someone through sight... XD I even stalked Charice.
I know Charice's class schedule, student ID, who most of Charice's friend are...DAMN. XD But yeah, I ended up getting semi hurt.
-~-~-~-~
After getting semi over Charice, I fell ...well not really in love/ I'm not sure about this one but I end up thinking about this next one a lot. I'll call this last one "Janet". Well, I started liking Janet after Janet gave me a lot of attention. It was well, I felt like Janet understood me and I fell in love.
Well actually, I wasn't in love. I figured I only liked Janet because Janet gave me attention; which the opposite sex really doesnt do as often XD! So.. I never really liked Janet.
After looking at Janet's qualitys and personality; I found out I'm not in love with Janet. I just...like the attention.
So I gave up on Janet
-~-~-~-~
Now I'm mixed up. Since usually I would have my heart set out on someone. But I don't...I want someone to love. I mean REALLY REALLY love.
But..I just don't. It kinda of hurts to be "single" sometimes; but. I also want to be "single".
This is why I'm writing this because I can't figure out...
Do I need it? Do I really trully need love for my highschool life?
I can't believe I miss "being in love".
 Shuseii · Fri Apr 02, 2010 @ 10:26pm · 0 Comments |
