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Random Baww Post from 4chan.

I randomly sat next to a girl I didn't know in my biology class. We started talking, and hit it off instantly. She was smart, pretty, but most of all quirky and funny like myself. She is the only person I found that I could really just talk to. After class we talked for three hours. I had never been able to do this with a person before. We started to hang out and talk more and more. We once spent six hours after a movie just talking. About ourselves, about other people, about relationships, about life, about everything. There wasn't a single awkward pause in conversation. I found out that we had a so much in common. There was a connection between us, I could tell she felt the same way when she said that she had never been able to talk like this to someone either. That she had never opened up before and that I was just so easy to talk to.
I met her at the beginning of October. Over the course of a few weeks, we spent lots of time together and basically became the best of friends, generally watching movies with her and her roommates, and then the two of us would stay up afterward just talking and joking. I found out that she didn't like girls that led guys on or toyed with their feelings. She hated to hurt guys. She didn't like girls that used guys for sex or money and didn't understand why people would rather have meaningless one night stands as opposed to a longlasting monogamous relationship. I was overjoyed to find a girl that I could relate to. Through this time I could tell she was interested in me by the way she slowly got closer and closer to me during the movie or would lean her head on me or would slip her arm under mine when I was sitting next to her or when she hugged me whenever I left. I was so happy. I didn't rush any of this by asking her out or anything. I didn't need to.
Near the end of october she started to act more distant to me. No more physical contact; I was essentially friendzoned. I decided that I needed to know for sure and that I would ask her out. I waited until we were alone, and when I opened my mouth to ask her out, she spoke first and said that she had been wanting to talk to me. "Oh s**t" I thought. She told me that I was a great, funny guy and that I would make a lucky girl real happy one day, but that she just wanted to be friends with me.
I was crushed. Just my luck. However I was glad she was straightforward with me and didn't drag it out or lead me on. I accepted it and tried to move on.
A week later she approached me and told me that she had changed her mind. She told me that she had been hurt by the break up of her last boyfriend and had dismissed me because I wasn't exactly like him. She had lost a lot of sleep trying to figure out what she wanted and realized that what she wanted had been in front of her the whole time. She looked down and asked if I hated her for toying with my emotions. I told her that I didn't and that I was glad she had changed my mind. She told me I was too nice.
She was probably right
It's the beginning of November now. We started to spend lots of time together once more. We started to go to my place more often, just me and her. We watched all the movies from my lame DVD collection, like spiderman, Jumper, 300 and gladiator and such. She loved Gladiator. One of her favorite movies. We started to get physically closer, and eventually she would be laying on top of me on the couch as we watched movies under a blanket. I still kept my guard up. I had to make sure she just wasn't going to friendzone me again. I had to hold in feelings until I was sure I could trust her. During november, we kept getting closer.
Heh. Looking back it all seems like the makings of a perfect love story.
You'd think that when a girl starts to snuggle with you for warmth; starts to cuddle and hold your hand and stroke your arm and tell you how lucky she is to meet a nice guy and that she is glad that we are more than just friends, you'd think it would be safe to love her back. You'd think that one day, after watching a movie curled up together and she tells you that she should leave because you are too addicting and she ends up staying with you all evening, and then when you finally lean in and tell her that even though she has a cold, that she is worth the illness, and she smiles and slowly leans in and kisses you softly, and then continues to kiss you for fifteen minutes, that it's safe to finally trust a girl with your heart. You'd think that when you drive her home that same night, and you kiss one last time, one long, slow kiss, and she smiles at you and skips to her home as she leaves your car, that you can stop worrying about getting hurt. That it's safe to love her.
I thought it would be safe to let your guard down too. Silly me.
It went downhill after that. It was the end of November. She would act distant sometimes She traveled home for winter break. I only got a hug as I saw her off.
A friend and I traveled down to her home once during the break to ski with her. She acted like we were just friends. I was confused. Except one night, after my friend had fallen asleep, she came up to me before I went to bed and just hugged me. A long silent hug. After this I figured that she still was fighting feelings for her exboyfriend but still had feelings for me.
January, she came back and she acted like we were just friends. We only saw each other when she was hanging out with me and my friends. We rarely just spent time by ourselves. I was confused, but didn't want to confront her about it. I was worried that I would force her to make a decision before she was sure what she wanted. I assumed she still had feelings for me based on how she treated me in November. As I dropped her off at her place again after we had all been hanging out, she kissed me on the cheek as she left. This happened three times consecutively, and every time she only kissed me on the cheek. I was beginning to think "WTF is going on" more and more.
She then avoided me and ignored me for four weeks. I wanted to believe she still had feelings for me. I wanted to think that she had some legit reason for avoiding me because she had told me she doesn't like it when girls just lead guys on. But all the evidence pointed that she had lost interest. I had to confront her. I finally managed to get her alone and told her that I needed to know what was going on. She told me that she didn't know how she felt. That her feelings for me fluctuated daily. And that she had never felt like this before and she felt horrible for being confusing and hurting me. She was so terrified of what I was going to think of her that she avoided me because she was scared I would hate her. My heart melted a little. She had clearly been distressed and worried about what I was going to do. I felt bad for her; especially because I wanted to be friends no matter what. I held her and told her I still liked her and that I would always want to be friends. She didn't do all this on purpose, and I knew she was a good person. She cried and told me I had every reason to hate her. I kept holding her and repeating what I said; I meant it. I think I convinced her. She told me that she should probably stay off the market until she knew how she truly felt, but that there was still hope for the future. I was a little sad, but glad that I finally knew what was going on. Plus I figured she would still regain her old feelings for me again.
I soon found out I was way too optimistic for my own good.
We started to hang out again, just the two of us. Eating dinner together and talking more. It was four days after I had confronted her. I walked her back to her place, and as I left, she said she wanted to talk to me.
I was a little surprised. She then said, 'I've been thinking about it, and I don't see it working out between us. I just want to be friends, okay? I'll be in town tomorrow, we should hang out! I'll see you tomorrow, right? Okay, bye!" Then she left.
...
I could barely speak. On sunday, she had given me hope that we would be back together one day. It was now thursday, February 25. This was how she had chosen to end it. After all this, she friendzones me for no reason, changes the subject, and gets out of there as fast as she could. As if I would be okay with it. As if I didn't deserve any more explanation. I didn't expect this. Not from her. Not after all we had been through. I couldn't believe it.
She had led me to believe that she had feelings for me. I had put myself in a situation where I she could hurt me, trusting her with my emotions, hoping she wouldn't just reject me again.
And she did just that.
She had told me she didn't like girls that led guys on and played with their emotions. And she did just that.
She had talked about how people need to really just talk to each other about their problems, that ignoring them will not work and will only make it worse.
And she did just that.
Realizing how much of a spineless hypocrite she was was like a slap to the face. I had believed her when she said those things, that she was a level-headed person that knew how to confront problems and have a good relationship. Realizing she was such a different person than what she had led me to believe just made me hurt even more inside.
It scares me to know that women can just change their feelings for you for no reason. How am I going to know the right moment to trust girls in the future now?
It's over now. All I can do now is heal and hope that the feelings I have for her go away. I want to be angry at her. I want to hate her, so that I can move on more quickly. But whenever I think about her, all I can think about is the time we spent together before everything went downhill. Like the times when I could always make her laugh. When she always snuggled up to me for warmth, calling me her 'personal heater'. When she jokingly told me she had to stop spending time with me because I was addicting and she would always stay for hours later with me than she intended. When she had confessed that she had never been able to talk for hours on end to anyone else before. When she told me she was so glad I talked to her first in class, because she would have never found the courage to do so. When she told me I made her so happy. When I actually believed that she loved me as much as I love her.
I just can't shake the feelings I had for her. No matter how hard I try.
Love hurts.


Pretty girls like you aren't exactly new in my life. Around high school, I would go and ask out any girl I found pretty and was able to chat with comfortably. But for a long time, things have been different. The pretty girls are still there, and I can still chat with them, but I just can't get interested in anyone. They're just never somebody I know I can be a real friend with, a real companion to.

Then there was you. You were pretty, you were fun to talk to and be around, you had my sense of humor and we enjoyed a lot of the same things. But the obvious obstacles were there, as they often are, and I immediately cast you as just another girl around me who was an ordinary person, someone to chat with sometimes at best. It wasn't hard, I've been doing it to every girl I've ever known for years now. Maybe I'm too used to it.

But then you DID start chatting with me. We talked about anything and everything together. You like all the same things as me, we could talk all day about whatever stupid as hell thing one of us liked and the other would invariably have some background in it as well. You made me laugh. Sometimes, I made you laugh. We could share our feelings. Well, you shared your feelings, I'm still too much of a brick wall to really admit when I'm having a problem. But it was nice when you confided in me about the little things that troubled you. And whenever we both got hungry, we always said we'd go out to eat together. It was funny, and I wished we really could've. The conversations we so casual, but so rich, so relaxing and so nice. It hadn't been long, but I started feeling really close to you. I remembered you were pretty - I'd never really forgotten.