It's 12:08AM.
I was thinking about my stories and how I should print them out and revise. Then I thought, "No point, I'm never going to finish them." Because whenever I start projects, I expand them to gigantic proportions and then can't reign them in for a conclusion. I never think that far. I CAN'T think that far. It's like I missed this vital stage in my development so that all those neuron firing passageways in that part of my brain got pruned and died.
Then I thought: that's why I don't have goals. Because I get these big huge dreams but I don't have the drive to see them through because I can't see myself at the finish line. That's why I can't stop procrastinating and why I try so very, very hard and beg and plead myself but I just can't do it.
I'll try and explore the reason why later, but for now I'm stumped. And tired.
I wrote this down so I wouldn't forget it in the morning. Also so I could reference back to it. It's not like I can magically fix all my personality faults with epiphanies, but I think it's good to at least acknowledge them.
Also, I can't sleep. So I'm going to read.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.............goodnight.
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ASK YOURSELF in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity..." - Rainer Maria Rilke
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