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Today i was thinking, what are real emtions? As humans it is hard not to have emotions but we are able to hide are feelings. We all have stopped trusting each other. Infants and young children don't understand this yet but thatis because they have not experienced sadness or haterd yet. Even though we do not redalize it we all end up hiding how we feel. Wether it's due to pride or fear it is still the same. Boys hide their feelings due to pride, meanwhile girls hide their feelings due to fear of rejection. It's like putting on a mask, in order to not be the one who is being teased you will put on an act that portrys you as the perfect person. By doing so your emotions start to gradually fade away. I know this from experience. Although I am young I went through hard times when I was small. My parents were divorced when I was 4. My mother was taking full time care of us at the time and my little sister was only 1. My mom was so preoccupied with work and my sister I began to become lonely. I went to a new school in the 2nd grade and i didn't know anyone. I met two girls who i soon became friends with untill one of them changed. Soon our threesome ecame only two then one when I went to another new school. I met a couple of more girls and the same thing happened, I was left behind. Due to these events I started to not trust people. My hart was blackened even more. Only one girl stayed by me untill the sixth grade. I finally became friends with a few more girls who still haven't left me behind. Unfortunately the one girl who stayed with me started to change to. When she told me she wanted to fit in more and become more popular I was shocked. All of my thoughts were "don't leave me". I argued with her for most of the year untill we got in trouble. As we sat in the assistant principle's office I tried to choke back my tears, but they wouldn't listen. My heart was being cracked every moment of the day and I couldn't stand it. Everyone who I got close to disappeared, even my relationship with my own mother. Even today I still have a blackened heart that is being broken piece by piece. I hide my true feelings and I can't stand it. If I try to let my feelikngs out no one will listen to my story. No one understands my pain and sadness. I have even begun to wish I was never here and I wonder why it is I can still smile with a breaking heart.
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