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Dean Winchester funny quotes! rofl
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

What do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell?

Well sweetheart, I don't do shorts.

You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.

I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!

That fabric softener teddy bear... oooh, I'm gonna hunt that little b***h down.

I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

You know I love the guy but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda.

You see that? That attitude there? That's why I always got the extra cookie.

Who do you think is the hottest psychic .. Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?

Dean: You're not going to kill me, are you?
Sam: No.
Dean: Good. 'Cause that would be awkward...

Your half-caf, double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, Francis.

Dude, Sorority girls. Think we'll see a naked pillow fight?

Dean : Ugh, the thought of him driving my car.
Sam : Oh, c'mon.
Dean : It's killing me!

Of course, the most troubling question is, why do these people assume we're gay?

Sam: So burning the body had no effect on that thing?
Dean: Sure it did – now it’s really pissed.

Heh. Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way. Sorry.

Meg: He begged for his life with tears in his eyes. He begged to see his sons one last time. Thats when I slit his throat!
Dean: For your sake, I hope your lying. 'cause if it's true I swear to God I will march into hell myself, and I will slaughter each and every one of you evil sons of bitches, so help me God!

I full on Swayzed that mother!

You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their a**!

I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf ... which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.

You know what? I’m not going to kill her, I think slow torture’s the way to go.

Don't objectify me.

I hate witches! Spewing their bodly fluids every where, it is insanity! No, it's down right unsanitary!

It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause it's we're so awesome.

Henricksen: You think you're funny?
Dean: I think I'm adorable.

I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.

What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I’m going to die? You know what, I’ve got one. Let’s see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?

You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!

I just talked to an 84-year old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband who died in Korea - completely rocked my understanding of the word "necrophilia."

Come on man. I know Sam, OK? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean the guy feels guilty searching the internet for porn.

You think you're being funny but you're being really really childish ... Sam winchester wears make-up ... Sam Winchester cries his way through sex ... Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by his bed and every morning when he wakes up he ... OKAY ENOUGH!

Bon Jovi rocks....on occasion.

And on Thursdays we're teddy bear doctors.

Lollipop disease .. It's not uncommon for a bear his size.

You're gonna bring me some pie!

Dude .. where's the pie?!

I'll man the flashlight.

That was scary!

It's on the fourth floor ... that's high.

I'm not gonna make a left turn into oncoming traffic! I'm not suicidal! Did I just say that? That's kinda weird.

geez, rent Juno and get over it already!

It's not just a girl, it's psycho Nell! I'm telling you man .. humans!

Ohh gross! so the daddy was the baby daddy too?!

What kind of a ghost messes with a man's wheels?!

Dean: What a douchebag.
Sam: That's Jeb Dexter.
Dean: I don't even want to know how you know that.
Sam: He's famous, kind of.
Dean: For what, douchebaggery?

Don't need em' sugar.

Come on baby, she means nothing to me, don't be mad.

I save lives .. i'm a hero .. a HERO!

Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents.

He's giving the you the full cowgirl.

It fustrates me when you say such reckless things.

My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women

Dean: Damn cops.
Sam: They were just doing their job.
Dean: No. They were doing our job, only they don't know it so they suck at it
Dean: (reading from trophy) 1995.
Sam: No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy. I can't believe he kept this.
Dean: Probably the closest you ever got to being a boy.

Dean: All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.

Dean: I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?
Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.

Dean: You saved my life.
Ruby: Don't mention it.
Dean: What was that stuff? God, it was a**. It tasted like a**.
Ruby: It's witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves)
Dean: (mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...

Dean being mimicked by Sam: You think your being funny but your being really really childish... Sam Winchester wears make-up... Sam Winchester cries his way through sex... Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by his bed and every morning when he wakes up he... OK ENOUGH!!

Henricksen: I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains...
Dean: You kinky son of a b***h, we don't swing that way.

Dean: yeah....and uh..Moby d**k's bong...

Dean: Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a week *laughs* thats pretty naughty.

Dean: Why does a rabbit always get get screwed in the deal? *looks and dead, bloody rabbit* Poor little guy...

This isn't really a quote but when Dean sings ' Wanted Dead or Alive' with Sam right before he goes to hell. It was pure epicness
Dean: Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No-talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show. And you want to know why. Because I hate procedural cop shows. It's like 300 of them on television, they're all the freakin' same.

Dean: Ally with the Trickster?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: A bloody, violent monster... and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.

Old Dean: You got me. I never been paralyzed. But I tell you something--I've been to Hell, and there's an archangel there wanting me to drop the soap. Look at me! My junk's rustier than yours!

Had to add in some Dean and Bobby, they are so ficking funny together.

Dean: You're family. I don't know if you've noticed, but me and Sam, we don't have much left. I can't do this without you. I can't. So don't you dare think about checking out. I don't want to hear that again.
Bobby: Okay.
Dean: Okay. Good.
Bobby: Thanks. Now, we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts

Dean: *coughs up a wood chip* "What the fuh..."
Sam: "We've been completely ignoring the biggest clue we have--you!"
Dean: "But I don't wanna be a clue

Dean: "'Longpig'?"
Sam: "He means human flesh."
Dean: "And that is my word of the day."

Sam: Our dark spots are pretty dark.
Dean: You're... pretty dark.

Crowley: You are at best functional morons!
Dean: You're functioning... morons... moron.

I like him. He says okie dockie