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...All I can hear is Three Days Grace's song 'Pain' playing in my head.

I wonder about things I shouldn't care about. Like, if he thinks of me. If he cares about how he hurt me.

Last time he came back and said that he was a fool.
Another time he said that he hated himself for making me feel bad.
Yet, with another Pop Tart to boost his ego, I don't think he cares. It's actually kind of depressing. He won't even text me now. I mean sure, he dumped me. But we were still friends.

But whenever he gets a new girl, he changes. He believes himself to be...

Anyway. I had to move his gaia name to the end of my friend's list. I just now saw that 'online' emote and nearly died a little. I made him that account, poured a lot of time and money into it, and he said that he had lost 74.5k and that I could take all the time I needed to make his account awesome.

I contemplated taking the account back, but what was I going to do with it besides gain a new enemy? He's controlling, heartless, and a real ****. But, I just can't be mean to him.

Well. Next Mon. I get to leave my dad's house and go back to my own home. Which means I'll have more distance between me and 'him.' Which also hopefully means I'll stop thinking of him.

I can imagine him reading this right now, smiling and chuckling at how pathetic I am for writing all of my feelings down. But, with no one else to talk to, I feel like I'm out of options.

Another thing. His friend sent me a pic of his new puppy the other day. It was cute. But, as I started to reply to his text I just kinda turned my phone off instead.

Another thing. I stopped researching his religion too. I'm not joining it anymore. I'm catholic by birth, but I don't really practise it at all. So, I guess I'm going to stay catholic. No point in converting anymore.

I could probably text him right now, and do it dozens of times over until he replies. But, what would it get me? He would call me a stupid b***h, then insult me in some other way before ignoring me.

The other night, my mom passed out from diabetic reasons. I'm hundreds of miles away, and I was alone. I wanted comfort, but there wasn't anyone in my family I could call. Then I remembered that 'he' had said it was alright to call or text him at late hours for something drastic. I texted him, and didn't get the comforting words I'd hoped for. I don't recall texting him for a long time.

But, enough sadness, for now. I'm going to go pour my emotions into my posting and put my brain to sleep.

When I'm left to my own devices, I tend to think about the things that pain me the most.