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so, God changed my life over the past weekend.
I thought hopefully if you guys read this, you might get something out of it; wanting Jesus Christ as much as I do.
I guess I better go back when I was a kid right?

Ok, so my first memory was (probably like a lot of other kids) mommy and daddy arguing. they got divorced when I was three years old. I didn't mind. its not like I had any memory whatsoever of them TOGETHER.
so, after they got divorced, my dad moved into a house a few streets over, so we could still be with him too. trust me on this, my dad... is a GOOD dad. [:

well, my dad was always into church and things like that. I think before I was born... or either when I was just born, he was a pastor. him and my mom together were total Jesus Freaks. church and God. I know while my dad was the pastor, my mom worked in the nursery because thats where all of us were. (me, my 2 sisters, and my brother)

anyways, my mom has gotten married a few times in the past. all together... 5 times. (the latest marriage ended about two weeks ago) &after my dad, she got married when I was about 5. he was a christian, so in the beginning of their marriage we went to church for about a year. after that, something happened. I'm not so sure what, but we didn't go to church until I started going to youth group a few months ago.

SKIPPING AHEAD:
I never liked my stepdad. but I've recently noticed that he was actually a pretty good guy. I just think the point is... I didn't like seeing my mom with anyone other than MY dad. (even though I never really did) so, my mom found out and they started having problems. (they already were before she knew I didn't like him though) before I didn't like him, we adopted my little sister. so it was getting kind of complicated with a kid, ya know? well, THEY recently got a divorce, and my mom got a boyfriend. before I was saved, I can easily say I hated both him and my mom. he would stay the night, and there was a point where he actually LIVED at my house. my sister was so mad at my mom that she moved out and is living at my dads house all the time.

meanwhile, I was having some issues myself. I always grew up with my mom telling me about a new diet she hear of- or how I needed to loose weight. I began to realize that I wasn't skinny enough, or pretty enough. so I started purging. I didn't tell anyone. I recently found out that my family suffers from a long line of bulimia and anorexia (my mom is sorta anorexic...) < KINDA. /:
so along with that, I couldn't stand... PEOPLE. everyone bothered me. every person was doing something that bugged me. I never though I had a good personality. I hated my personality. I wished I was more outgoing and sweet. /: I also had a problem with lust. I looked at guys and thought "hey hottie, why can't I be your girlfriend?" just because of the people I was hanging out with, and what they were doing. I just wanted to fit in.

after all of that I thought my brain was going to explode with all that stress.
honestly, I have thought of suicide.

NOW:
dudee, I feel amazing. biggrin
no kidding, Jesus saved my soul.
I forgave my mom, don't purge, don't look at guys, etc. (or at least I'm trying REALLY hard)
before that weekend, I haven't cried in a really long time. /:

Jesus saved me. I'm free. [: