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I've been left with a long timespan in which I've nothing to do. Things are settling in my head, and I've remembered all of the things he's said he dumped me for. Each one is a dagger that's been thrown into my heart and now, everytime he says 'I love you.', IU feel as if someone has just beaten the daggers further in.

1. I'm not as sexy as Mrs.'Pop Tart'
2. I don't speak fluent German, nor was I born in Germany.
3. I don't live nearby.
4. I wasn't in demand, and when 'Pop Tart' became available, he dumped me to take his chance.
5. I have a tendency to be clingy.
6. I have no understanding that things don't last forever. (Says he, and his best friend.)


Now here are some things that I believe contributed.

1. I had a tendency to txt him a lot.
2. I tried to be funny, and it didn't always seem very funny.
3. I had mild trust issues.
4. I'm self concious.


Now, here are some things that he did while he was dating 'Pop Tart' that really just tore into me.

1. Bragged about how 'fine' 'Pop Tart' was and how perfect her a** is.
2. Told me that I was lucky to even be friends with him.
3. One day, he had told me how perfect his day was and then informed me that he had spent it with 'Pop Tart', up against a wall. (Making out or something, idk.)


There were a few others, but I can't remember them. I'll prolly update this later. But, I'm confused now.

Did it really take him a short relationship with 'Pop Tart' for him to realize that he liked me better, or was it his lack of anything better to do?

Does he only want the gold that I have?

Is he just toying with me?

~~~

He expects me to be completely loyal to him, just because he said 'I love you.' Yet, after last time, I'm not sure I can be. Well, I don't mean that I'm going to cheat on him or anything, but I'm just not going to throw myself at him. It hurt me when he said, "I don't even remember why we broke up.", because I do. I spent an entire week, getting little to no sleep a night because I was crying. It seemed that the moment I'd given him up, he came back. The moment I stopped thinking about him constantly or crying about him each minute I had to myself, he was there again.

I just hope that this can all be resolved, and that for whatever time that we spend together in this relationship, that I enjoy it.