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I have been returned to hell. Also failed miserably in an attempt to have a makeout session. Miserably. I don't think I've ever been that ineffective. Both parental units are currently pissed at me which is kinda odd if you think about it. Have I ever done something un-little-miss-perfect before? Nopes. So what do they do? Freak out. Thanks for the help parental units. Ever think maybe yelling wouldn't make me wanna come home? Guess not. Liza was also kind enough to hijack all of my accounts. Facebook, Yahoo, the whole deal. I need to change my passwords apparently. Stupid b***h. It's cute how she acts all sad and scared and then leaves me alone in my room now that she's gone through all this trouble to get me back. She seems to get dumber by the second. Dad's not much better. None of them listen and they wonder why I don't want to be here. EPBOTA's not much better. I love her, I really do, but she...she just doesn't get it. I really wish I could hang out with David. He understands, not perfectly, but enough. I need someone who gets it and I don't feel like I have anyone to talk about anything anymore. It's like I blend in and no one hears me and I'm just disappearing slowly, sinking lower and no ones notices. God, I miss her. Not because I love her, but because it was nice. Even if she couldn't make it better, at least Opal noticed when I was upset. Now, I think people just assume I'm tired. Not helpful and no one seems to realize that I need someone to grab me, take me somewhere private, and just let me cry my eyes out while they just hold me for a while. Don't tell me it'll be okay, cause I won't believe you. Just show me that you care rather then the annoying "I do care" that you always say, but don't seem to mean.

I'm not used to relying on people so this really bugs me. Hate to be cliched, but it's got that downward spiral feel. Everytime I'm happy, it seems to be masking something really sucky right around the corner. I can't just be happy anymore. I'm always forgetting something that was on my mind but infringes on my ability to be happy so I ignore it. I mean, think about it! I'm not even looking forward to France for France. I'm looking forward to it because it means I get away from my parents. How lame is that?! I'm leaving the country and I'm just happy that I don't have to see Liza for nine days! I can't even tell you why I hate her this much at this point. I just hate how she doesn't listen anymore. I'm just an annoying teenager acting out, right? God forbid something actually be upsetting this girl.

Whatever. It doesn't matter right? I'm one out of 225 juniors, probably a thousand high schoolers. I'm just another teenager. It doesn't matter. Another cut, another bleeding fest. What difference does it make? It's just one more to add to the ones I can barely see anymore. It doesn't matter.

I'm writing these for my own benefit at this point i believe. After all, no one left to read them.