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So I work 12 - 5 tuesday through friday and saturday 12 - 8. This isn't anything amazing but this is actually the most I've worked my entire life. .___.

The working itself is not so bad, I guess. It's the fact that I have way less free time than usual. During my Gaia hiatus I started hanging out with real friends and watching TV and playing video games and s**t, and now that I'm back it's almost the whole "Why am I here? Nobody gives a s**t" vibe.

I mean I know people care but I have nothing to do all over again. ._.
I'm sitting int he GCD making completely crappy topics because I am hella bored and none of the current topics interest me.

My days off are Sunday and monday and it seems like my new way of life is go live over at a friend's house for the days I'm off.

Slight sidestory so I hurry up and get to the point-- I used to be extremely suicidal and when I'd get really serious about doing it, I had this feeling of "Man I should really do <insert activity here> before I die, else I won't be able to do it."

I'm not suicidal at all now but I have the same feeling. August is a long time away but I feel like I have to do so many new things now before life how I know it WILL essentially end/die and I'll be a completely new person when I'm out of basic.

This is what I've wanted for almost a year now, and I thought I was ready, but really I think I've had way too much time to dwell on this stuff.

I've been camping with Kyle(rl friend) twice now and today I found out that Kyle has a second violin. I knew he played violin but he never played in front of me. I asked if I could borrow the violin and he got all excited over it. I guess it's hard to find a guy that wants to play violin?
Anyway he's supposedly going to teach me how ot play it, but really I think I'm left trying to learn how to play it myself since my work schedule doesn't match with ANYONE ELSE'S. I really can only hang out with rl friends on sundays and mondays.

Regardless, I've always wanted to play violin and I hope I learn it before I go, but I'm already disappointed because I'm sitting here trying to delegate time I know I don't have and need to try and figure out how to get it.

As it stands I usually go to bed 12a or 1a or abouts and wake up at 10a to get ready for work at 12p. Then when I get home, by the time I eat, it's already 6p and to be honest I'm nto quite sure what I do from 6:30ish pm to midnight but it's certainly not Gaia.

Now I'm in the DEP program I have to find time for the meetings, and time to work out. I don't want to work out alone but I guess I'm going to have to. I am way out of shape and exercising, at leas tin the way I need to, is going to take a few hours.
And I was just starting to get back into Gaia!

I've completely abandoned my mule account now, who was an art freebies junkie and just drew art for people. I still want to continue doing that but I have no time to do so anymore.

Between Gaia and facebook and the few times I visit dA and sheezy these days, my internet time is limited between work and my real friends. And my real friends...

Every time I hang out with them it is for hours and hours and even if we did nothing I come home and look back on it and say "Wow I am really glad I did that."

I guess I've been depriving myself of social contact for so long I just want more and more, and that whole saying about how you don't know what you're missing until it's gone is just too true.

I've begun to wonder if this is what terminally ill patients feel like.
They want to do so many things, but they just have a limited amount of time and ability to do them.

I am meeting so many new people and even though I hate half of them I am glad I am doing it and I almost don't want it to go away.

Life as I know it is kind of, essentially, ending.
[12:45:43 AM] Gaia Overslept says: yup
[12:45:54 AM] Gaia Overslept says: you'll never be the same person again
[12:46:06 AM] [Q] says: But I'm hoping that will be good.
[12:46:07 AM] Gaia Overslept: and you're not sure if current you is ready to give up your seat as you to future you

Ah, my life has been so messed up. I've gone through semblances of a mid life crisis over four times now.

I really hope everything turns out for the best.
I wonder how long I really do have left to live, anyway?